Spankem Nood ditched Washington's troops
And moved back home with mother.
She stuck a feather in his ass
And called it a thermometer.

Spanky stayed with Betsy Ross
Safely weaving gladly.
He tossed his needles when he jabbed
His pinky knitting Glory.

Later Spanky fought the South
But wandered way out west, so
He got limp wristed, skipped about
Then soon discovered Frisco.

Spanky Noodle sashayed north
And met poor General Custer.
Custer yelled, "I'm Indian food!
Said Spank, "My dog needs mustard."

Spanky Noodle, go get tough.
Crank your Noodle daily.
Spanky Noodle's gettin' rough.
He's knockin' back some brandys.

World War 1 mussed Spanky's hands
When a schoolboy shot some Franz bitch.
Serbia snored at Austria's roar
And burnt Hungary's sandwich.

Spanky's helmet had a spike
So he could kill the Kaiser.
When Spanky saw a girl he liked
He wore it in his trousers.

Flash to 1939
When Hitler stomped on Poland.
Spanky cried, "Enough's enough!
Go clog around on Holland."

Spanky joined the Western Front
But hid out in a bunker.
Hitler said, "I like your style.
Let's mosh or we'll go bonkers."

Spanky Noodle, loosen up.
Yank your Poodle daily.
World War 2 fell on its butt.
Let's play ball in the bush leagues.

And I am that Spanky Noodle boy!!

Spankem Nood loved Chinese food
So he fought in Korea.
He scorned the front lines for the woods
To wrestle diarrhea.

Spanky Noodle shook the hand
Of Chairman Mao Ze Donkey.
"I'd like your autograph," he said
"You're short and tall at once, hee!"

In '66 'ol Spank Nood broke
The lines of draft card dodgers.
Brass found him in Nam's paddy fields
'Shroomed into Daltry, Roger.

Spank snuck to the Viet Cong
While his troops were nappin'.
How could he resist the smell
Of 'Nam styled noodles ramen?

Spanky Noodle, lap it up
While the stew is brewin'.
No one knows just what the hell
The left or right hand's doin'.

'Nood awoke in '89
To a thousand points of nightlights.
He begged his mom to turn 'em off
And keep him out of hindsight.

They shipped 'ol Spank off to Iraq
To fight mean Hussein, Saddam.
Instead he got a desert rash
That made Gomorrah Sodom.

9/11 of 2001
Came and shattered Spank's nerves.
Dubya said, "That's 'coz you didn't
Scare Hussein with fightin' words."

(Don't kill my daddy!)

Seven years and to this day
Spank's rolled in Persian carpet.
We killed Saddam and his two runts
But the world wants U.S. departed.

Spank told Barack, and he swore
That this would be no Vietnam.
Spank then beheaded Dumboya
And cut him into smart bombs.

And I am that Spanky Noodle joy!!