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Song Parodies -> "The Cigarette Song"

Original Song Title:

"The Chipmunk Song"

Original Performer:

David Seville

Parody Song Title:

"The Cigarette Song"

Parody Written by:

Andria

The Lyrics

Although I quit smoking last November after having done so since the age of 9, I am still writing a parody of a classic Christmas song with cigarettes as a subject. "Winston Gold" means Winston cigarettes in a gold-and-white pack, and "gold that's old" means "Old Gold", my onetime brand of choice. The spoken part is an approximation of my father nagging me to quit to the approximate tune of the OS' spoken part. Enjoy!
Oh, nicotine, I need it bad
Cigarettes, they are the best
I just quit, but that can't last
Oh, nicotine, I need you fast
I want a case of Winston Gold
Or maybe a little gold that's old
I can hardly stand it, please
Bring me cigarettes

(Spoken)
Andria, the surgeon general says that smoking is bad for your health. I want you to quit now. ANDRIA! I TOLD YOU NOT TO SMOKE IN THE HOUSE! ANDRIA!

Oh, nicotine, I need it bad
Cigarettes, they are the best
I just quit, but that can't last
Oh, nicotine, I need it fast
I just quit, but that can't last
I want a case of Winston Gold
Or maybe a little gold that's old
I can hardly stand it, please
Bring me cigarettes

(Fade out, beginning with a young woman saying "The surgeon general's full of bullcrap! Smoking won't hurt you!" and ending with a hacking, wheezing cough.)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.5
How Funny: 3.5
Overall Rating: 3.5

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 4
 4
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   7
 7
 7
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

NoNicoCakes - December 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Anything that stresses the need to ~stop smoking~ is a winner in my book, Sir ! Thanks for this topic. It's shameful how the US government endorses & subsidizes the growth of Tobacco!
Andria - December 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, NoNicoCakes, although I would prefer to be called "Ma'am", "Madam" or by my name, which really is Andria.
alvin - December 17, 2008 - Report this comment
fit the yearning tone of the OS well
Stan Hall - December 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Alvin said it. Funny .. I smoked from age fifteen to age forty and "accidentallly" quit a then 4-pack-a-day habit amidst a spiteful, nasty nicotine fit when circumstances had deprived me of the weed for 12 hours or so. I hadn't intended to _actually_ quit, but in fact just stopped cold turkey with a ludicrous lack of cravings. The only thing is it took me a full year to stop automatically patting my left breast pocket. Had I but added a little wave/salute flourish to the gesture I'd've anticipated by a decade or so all those littel 'hood gestures that begin that way. :-)
AFW - December 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Humor with a meaning
Leo Keough - December 17, 2008 - Report this comment
It's not that hard to quit smoking. Staying quit is the hard part. If the government would completely ban the sale of cigarettes, everyone would be happy, especially those who currently smoke.
Andria - December 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, Alvin, your comments are always appreciated, Stan, great story and thank you, I hope you lay off the coffin nails for the rest of your life, thanks, AFW, you really "nailed" it (pun intended), and thanks, Leo. If cigarettes were outlawed, there would be more trouble than one would think, namely, importing ciggies from other countries such as Canada and the United Kingdom.
Tommy Turtle - December 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Andria, I liked your last comment even more than the parody. We tried prohibiting alcohol in the 1920s, and what did we get? Bootlegging and organized crime. Well said. I'm not a smoker, but if we banned ciggies, there'd probably just be an increase in meth labs :)
Andria - December 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, Tommy Turtle, I have to agree with you on the tobacco-banning idea and comparing it to Prohibition.
Mr. K - December 19, 2008 - Report this comment
Andria, I enjoyed this parody, although I believe that if one were to attempt to smoke an entire case of cigarettes, they would die of nicotine poisoning and/or lung failure before finishing half. 5-5-5.
Andria - December 19, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, Mr. K. I believe you're right about the nicotine poisoning and lung failure. I smoked two packs a day before I quit.
Christie Marie M - December 19, 2008 - Report this comment
I don't smoke, but I do understand that quitting is the hardest part. I also understand that people have the urge to smoke and while I was in college, my classmates always needed nicotine before class! My father was advised to quit smoking from our family physician due to his heart attack and chest pains. Now what does his physician do? He smokes during his break. He smokes many packs a day (don't know specific numbers). I thought as a doctor, he would know better!
I. Know - December 19, 2008 - Report this comment
Doctors are the worst - seriously!!Good job on the parody, btw.
Andria - December 19, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, Christie Marie, your comments are much appreciated, and thanks, I. Know.
Tyrone The Terrible - December 20, 2008 - Report this comment
This parody is...as Jim Carrey once said......Ssssssssmokin!
Andria - December 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Thank you Tyrone, your comments are always amusing, and I recognized the pun right away.

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