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Song Parodies -> "Everything Shows"
Original Song Title:
"Anything Goes"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Cole Porter
Parody Song Title:
"Everything Shows"
Parody Written by:
Phil Alexander
The Lyrics
First of all, I would like to say that this is in no way autobiographical... at least, not yet. This is for all those dads who at some point in their lives have said to their daughters: "You can't go out wearing THAT!"
Daughter's older...
And we cannot rewind the clock
I'm no Puritan, but a shock,
When I saw her new party frock
Toes to shoulder
Teenage trying to seem so svelte
'Stead of showing a shorter skirt
Shorter skirt... looks more like... a belt
I hate to say a daughter's stocking
For Daddy is rather shocking
In her new clothes
Everything shows
Sad to say there's times I'd rather
Not be my daughter's father
Here's one of those
Everything shows
She's going out tonight,
With "boy scout" tonight
If I shout tonight,
Then she'll pout tonight
And no doubt tonight,
She'll be devout tonight
Or else, we'll come to blows
When I see them eyeing her bottom, guys
Look like they've been lobotomized
Something grows
Everything shows
Her brother says her legs are gorgeous as
John's or Paul's or George's
Or Ringo's
Everything shows
But when boyfriends start arriving,
I can't believe they're driving
Cars like those!
Everything shows
They'll be well-behaved tonight
Not depraved tonight
It's no rave tonight
He's no knave tonight
So I'll be brave tonight
As she'll wave goodnight
Leastways, I suppose
Another girl who looks a tart is
Escorting yours to parties
They look like "ho"s
Everything shows
The way that she's dressed tonight
With no vest tonight
Well, she guessed I might
Be depressed tonight
But I stressed tonight
No arrest tonight
From what she may... expose
And I hope they think that it's de nada, when
I come on like Torquemada
With those hobos
Everything shows
Whatever she bought today
Then I ought to say
It's my daughter's way
But so short today
And I caught her sway
I'm distraught, I may
Destroy all of them clothes
As I'm no voodoo necromancer
It follows I cannot answer
For what she chose
Everything shows
And we cannot rewind the clock
I'm no Puritan, but a shock,
When I saw her new party frock
Toes to shoulder
Teenage trying to seem so svelte
'Stead of showing a shorter skirt
Shorter skirt... looks more like... a belt
I hate to say a daughter's stocking
For Daddy is rather shocking
In her new clothes
Everything shows
Sad to say there's times I'd rather
Not be my daughter's father
Here's one of those
Everything shows
She's going out tonight,
With "boy scout" tonight
If I shout tonight,
Then she'll pout tonight
And no doubt tonight,
She'll be devout tonight
Or else, we'll come to blows
When I see them eyeing her bottom, guys
Look like they've been lobotomized
Something grows
Everything shows
Her brother says her legs are gorgeous as
John's or Paul's or George's
Or Ringo's
Everything shows
But when boyfriends start arriving,
I can't believe they're driving
Cars like those!
Everything shows
They'll be well-behaved tonight
Not depraved tonight
It's no rave tonight
He's no knave tonight
So I'll be brave tonight
As she'll wave goodnight
Leastways, I suppose
Another girl who looks a tart is
Escorting yours to parties
They look like "ho"s
Everything shows
The way that she's dressed tonight
With no vest tonight
Well, she guessed I might
Be depressed tonight
But I stressed tonight
No arrest tonight
From what she may... expose
And I hope they think that it's de nada, when
I come on like Torquemada
With those hobos
Everything shows
Whatever she bought today
Then I ought to say
It's my daughter's way
But so short today
And I caught her sway
I'm distraught, I may
Destroy all of them clothes
As I'm no voodoo necromancer
It follows I cannot answer
For what she chose
Everything shows
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 1 | ||||||||
| 4 | 2 | 1 | 2 | ||||||||
| 5 | 21 | 24 | 22 |
User Comments
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You canlt go out not fiving THAT! 5s
This song was delightful, delcious, delovely!!!
funny twist....especialy like the verse mentioning the beatles' legs
A bang up job here, glad someone else did this old classic show tune
I was so sad reading the TT song, I'm sorry that it took me so long getting to this one. . .anyhow, you aren't a voodoo necromancer you say. . .hmmmm. . .well it's still not Me Own Shampoo Me Own Shampoo. . ."I come on like Torquemada" was great though. . .I can see this song with your accent and everything in my head (or ears) I guess-very funny. . .
wow, that was just brilliant Phil - the 3 choruses where you had to triplerhyme 6 lines in a row and get them to pace beautifully as well were truly masterful - big 555 - (remind me never to take that OS on)
Glad I checked... I was just about to resubmit this, forgetting that I posted it yesterday. Brain fade...
Anyway, thanks guys -
Matthias - ain't Delovely a different song? Must be a parody in it somewhere, though
Alvin - I rather liked that verse, too - one of a few that I wrote after finishing this one; however I reckoned that was worth including
Stu - Thanks, but I'm sure you'd do fine (just a question of choosing a rhyme for which there are plenty of options). As you're from Oz, howsabout "Any Dingos"?
Anyway, thanks guys -
Matthias - ain't Delovely a different song? Must be a parody in it somewhere, though
Alvin - I rather liked that verse, too - one of a few that I wrote after finishing this one; however I reckoned that was worth including
Stu - Thanks, but I'm sure you'd do fine (just a question of choosing a rhyme for which there are plenty of options). As you're from Oz, howsabout "Any Dingos"?
Brilliantly funny and true. (as the father of 3 girls, I can relate). Sorry I didn't get to this one yesterday Phil, I was pressed for time. :-)
Rick, there ain't no need to apologise for being a day late - hell, it took me a day to get to it, and I wrote the thing ;-)
(SOTM) It just shows to go you...er, goes to show you.....:) In stanza 2, I thought Daddy was wearing Daughter's stockings, which would have been quite a sick event indeed.
I get a kick out of you
(SOTM) EN-bloody-CORE!! This was FAB, Phil. Just too funny, and masterfully written. An absolute triumph with an old Porter standard. 555+++
(SOTM) Ditto Kristof's comment.
(SOTM) Talk about a tough month. . .jeese Phil, I think my original comment sums me up--Me Own Shampoo Me Own Shampoo, why does that one stick in my darn head (or on it I guess). . .that makes what now 8 songs I've labelled as potential top 5 and I still have two to read. . .this one was absolutely wonderful, and aging is such a touchy subject, how great.
SOTM - Effort shows
(SOTM) "Her brother says her legs are gorgeous as John's or Paul's or George's Or Ringo's Everything shows"...where'd THAT come from? Anyway, Phil, I echo the commendation on the execution of those rhymes, and this was just overall brilliant.
SOTM - I gotta agree with Cat with the Beatles, I was just readin' over that again again laughing and wondering WTF? This was HILARIOUS! And yeah, my parents say that to me alot, so I'm on the recieving end
SOTM - What Jack Wilson said in the very first comment!
Cat/Charnstar: the Beatles verse (as I mentioned to Alvin) was one of those afterthoughts that just had to be included - as a former "little brother" myself, I had to insert that note of ridicule that little brothers do so well. As to where it came from, I think it must have been the "Ringo's" rhyme, as I was going through just about everything that rhymes with "shows".
Max - I thought this was supposed to look effortless... kind of like a swan swimming ;-)
Agrimorfee - Oh, yes, I see what you mean.. I hadn't thought of it that way
And thanks, everyone.
Max - I thought this was supposed to look effortless... kind of like a swan swimming ;-)
Agrimorfee - Oh, yes, I see what you mean.. I hadn't thought of it that way
And thanks, everyone.
SOTM - Yup, sounds about right. Wait, no, sounds very right. Nice job.
(SOTM) see above - I absolutely love this one - and is "Any Dingoes?" up for grabs Phil? - what a great title sub
Stu - no plans to do "Any Dingoes", so go for it :-)
SOTM - Slut of the Month this time... Nice way to skirt the issue.
who said teenagers get all the angst great parody 555 all the way up !
(SOTM) Say, Philbo, you could publish this Cole Porter parody under the pen-name Pole-Courter!
Awesome job,see above
Excellent job with a challenging rhyme scheme. Very clever. "...bottom guys/ lobotomized" is CLASSIC. I have to admit that at first I misinterpreted why he wished he weren't her dad... (Yikes!)
No daughters of my own, but I could still relate. Additional kudos on the rhyming, especially "tart is/parties".
SOTY - Tough rhyming on the "... tonight" lines, but you hit them.
The secret to handling this...regardless of what she wears, pull her date aside, and tell him, "Have a good time, but whatever you do to her, I'm gonna do to you!" She'll be fine :)
SOTY- Sounds like a typical over-protective father, which, of course, is perfect parody fodder. Very well done, Phil,
This OS is a terrifically fun rhyming challenge and you succeeded brilliantly. "...Bottom, guys... / lobotomized"!!! Inspired!
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