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Song Parodies -> "When I Use a Cup of Lard"

Original Song Title:

"When You Wish Upon a Star"

Original Performer:

Cliff Edwards

Parody Song Title:

"When I Use a Cup of Lard"

Parody Written by:

Warren Baker

The Lyrics

When I use a cup of lard
Gold browned biscuits can’t be far
Tasty things you’ll soon desire
I’ll bake for you

In your heart, a vein will scream
Circulation may careen
When you feast upon the lard
Turns blood to glue

Fate unkind
Swell treats we swallow up
That sad indulgence sup
Starts plaque installing

Biscuits served with jellied fruit
Fresh eggs, tender sausage too
When you feed upon the lard
With heart you’ll feud

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   13

User Comments

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Barry J. Mitchel - February 03, 2012 - Report this comment
A very appropos Baker-y parody! A recipe for laughter on the way to the ER.
Rob Arndt - February 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Brought back memories of mom with the old #10 can of Crisco lard back when ('70s-80s), so 555!!!
Porfle Popnecker - February 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Mmm, that brought back some childhood breakfast memories for me, too. Yum!
Rob Arndt - February 03, 2012 - Report this comment
LOL Porfle! Even more memories of working at Carl's Jr in early '80s when min, wage was set at $3.35/hr!!! When the Charbroiler went down we sometimes had to use the grill and that meant some lard to grease her up (as if all that meat grease wasn't good enough)!!! But I loved to grill (meat presses and so on)...
Jim-in-me-thicket - February 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Perfectly formed, rises to the top!
Linda Koski - February 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Ummmm..... LARD
Mark Scotti - February 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Should read on the label "apply directly to arteries"...LOL
AFW - February 03, 2012 - Report this comment
I know lard is bad, but related foods taste so good...good job, here
WarrenB - February 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Barry- Much appreciated. For some reason, food parodies come naturally to me ;-)
Rob- I have to admit when I saw your comment it made me think of Bojangles, a biscuit fast food chain dominant in the south. Best biscuits. Tasty lard. I remember back in college when it snowed, wiley students used to come through the drive through asking for old biscuits. And as most of us know, biscuits made of lard turn to rock after a long period of time. They'd take the biscuits, pack snow around them, and voila! snow balls that meant business with buttery goodness.
Porfle- Grew up in the south where lard was as common as a salt shaker.
JIMT- Gracias!
Linda- Lard makes just about anything taste better.
Mark- Give it time... I'm sure that day's comin'
AFW- Everything that tastes good is bad for you. I sometimes feel you can't win. I think I'll go have a cigarette, a beer, and a biscuit while riding a motorcycle without a helmet.
Thanks everyone for the comments. All of them are much appreciated.
Tommy Turtle - February 04, 2012 - Report this comment

loved the title switch. but must most respectfully disagree with reply to AFW,
"Everything that tastes good is bad for you." .. um, not "everything...."

which, interestingly, went over the heads of a few readers.
Also shows how many more v/c one got back in the Good Old Days. 555.
(that's not the vote, it's your cholesterol level. ;).
Fiddlegirl - February 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Amazing, isn't it, how something so ignoble can become part of something so wonderfully ethereal and comforting as a perfectly golden and buttery biscuit. (There's probably a deep and profound lesson in there somewhere, but I say we skip it and go get some breakfast!) As we say in the South, "Bless your li'l ol' heart"... 555. :)
WarrenB - February 04, 2012 - Report this comment
TT- Always good to have a comment from you, and I can safely say your Eagles parody was nutritional and low in calories. I wouldn't have scaled back a thing...
As to my cholesterol levels, my LDLs are usually quite high (Laugh Durn Loud). Is that so bad?
FG- Be sure to chase that biscuit with a glass of sweet tea, girl. BTW, ain't seen you here in a month of Sundays! Thanks for the comments and good to see you gracing the pages again. Don't be a stranger.
Tommy Turtle - February 04, 2012 - Report this comment
It's said to relieve a sore throat, too...

(You found it "coincidental" that FG emerged from her F-hole [of her violin, silly!] on the occasion of TT's emergence from burrow after a long winter of dis-content? [i. e., no content posted - this stuff *kills* - no, really!] ... if you want to get on the alerT lisT, click the reCaptcha in either of my songs Thur/Fri, and e-mail me with your e-mail. May be a while -- Friday's was "a bit of" an effort. ;)
Peter Andersson - February 05, 2012 - Report this comment
There's a new butter-shortage-causing revolutionary WORKING diet sweaping Scandinavia called LCHF (Low Carb High Fat), I'm gonna have to write a song about it one of these days, here's info for starters:
Rebekah Dub - February 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Mmm... lard. (lol) 5's. =)
John Barry - February 05, 2012 - Report this comment
lardy da.
Phil Alexander - February 06, 2012 - Report this comment
When you eat barrels of lard
Arteries may well get hard
Arteriosclerosis may well do for you... :-D

..excellent stuff, Warren
WarrenB - February 07, 2012 - Report this comment
Peter- The low carb diet- been there, done that. Not very satisfying, and not nice to your liver. Fat's no fun without a tasty carbohydrate.
Rebekah- Thanks! I was reading just yesterday that many people use lard like butter and spread it on their toast or eat it right out the can. Extreme larding, anyone?
JB- That would be Russian for "Lard, yes."
Спасибо, г. Барри, владелец "я "Пут" Период на Вас".
Phil- I thank you from the bottom of my aorta.
UnKnownVotress - February 07, 2012 - Report this comment
Avocado oil is best, Sir; its burn rate is at 520*, whereas olive oil, one of nature's best, burns at 360*.

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