Piles make my arse all aching
Piles make the wind I'm breaking
Whistle like a kettle on the boil, oh what joy
To have piles; they give me fear and sorrow
With piles maybe tomorrow
I'll get some anusol ointment, but then

I sit on my bum with sadness
The itching is causing madness
Although the cream just makes me want to scream
Thats the time you must keep applying
Piles, whats the use of crying?
I find that lard is versatile
For my big piles

I've tried to ease the burning
By means of facial gurning
Lignocaine helps the pain stay away
All the time I must keep applying
Gel, whats the use of trying?
It only helps for a short while
Cos I've got piles