A take-off treat.

Catchy rewrite.. don't have "Circle" pizza in this area, though....

Now this has me thinking about those little thingys the put in the middle of the pizza, what are those, pizza tables? Nice job, and no anchovies, please.

This is my very first parody to appear here so all you guys' positive feedback is very much appreciated. I've entered three for today so kindly check out the others. This one is not exactly hard-hitting satire but I think it works, that's the main thing, AFW, you don't have circular pizza? What shape is it?

Lol - ya' got me on that one...

Sicilian pizza is rectangular, and usually cut into squares or rectangles. In high school, I worked at a shop that sold only that kind. People would call and ask, "What is the diameter of your large pizza"? I'd say, "It isn't round; it's square." They thought I was being sarcastic and often got angry.

Another DKTOS (see your other parody for explanation), and unfortunately don't have time to dig up and compare. Hint: Put link to original song video, at YouTube or whatever, in the intro. If you don't know how to make links, just reprint the URL. Or read a Tommy Turtle parody called "Hyperlink". ;-D

I'm guessing you have a bit of paisano in you? ... and no need to credit the copyright of original writers/performers, so long as the performers whom you're parodying are listed at the top (as they must be), and you don't try to claim their lyrics as your own. I. e., don't change only 5% of a song and keep 95% of theirs; that fails the Fair Use tests for copyright and plagiarism. George Harrison learned this the hard way on "My Sweet Lord", whose melody was "unconsciously" (he claimed) ripped off from The Chiffons' "He's So Fine". They sued; Harrison lost.

What you might want to do is put a copyright notice that these new lyrics belong to *you*. (See any of my songs -- TT);. It isn't legally required -- you have an automatic copyright (in the US, at least) to any original thoughts the minute you put them on paper, disk, or Web. But it announces it formally. Cheers.

As far as asking others to check out your other songs, they see them on the home page, and will look if interested. (Hence, catchy or clever titles draw readers.) Shameful plugging of older songs is tolerated if it's in context (says the worst violator on the site ;). And while I don't believe in strict quid pro quo, one way for a newcomer to get noticed is to make thoughtful, witty, incisive comments on others' parodies -- or just anything that shows that you actually read it.. :)
    No guarantees, and sometimes people may skip your songs for a lot of reasons, but if someone new starts commenting on some number of mine, of course I'll wonder, "Who is this new person?" and take a look at one or two.
    Whether it goes beyond that depends on how good the samples are, and/or how they take to constructive suggestions for improvement. IMHO. Others' MMV.

btw, you may or may not find useful this simple, 2-page guide to nailing the pacing (meter) and even the stresses (accented syllables) of a song every time:

http://home.earthlink.net/~tommythedancingturtle/id3.html

@Cecelia - Thanks for great advice. I'm certainly getting a warm welcome from experienced contributors like you and Tommy Turtle. I'll try always to include a link to OS in the future. To my mind, the melody is an integral part of the lyric parody experience. I'm also starting the habit of including a formal copyright notice at the bottom under my preferred publishing name rather than the alias I use here. The credit at the top I include just for info rather than legal reasons. Yes, I've eaten rectangular pizza. I found it quite common when I visited Rome, maybe Sicilian shops? I'm guessing 'paisano' means country or farm boy? I grew up in a country town in Australia so you might say I qualify, lol. I never saw a pizza until I was 18. Such deprivation!

@Tommy Turtle Thanks, I'll try not to blow my own bags from now on. I totally agree that the best way to have people show an interest in your efforts is to show an interest in theirs.

Most will cut you some slack because this is your first parody on the site but I hope you’re going to be OK with some constructive criticism. I didn’t know the song but I found it on Youtube and matched it up. Good idea of turning it into a song about pizza but the pacing was off in places (unless you wrote it to match another version – I used the original 1928 recording). The main things that I noticed straight away are the extra syllables where he sings Lord, and some awkward stresses:

By and by, Lord, by and by
Pizza pie, my friends, pizza pie

In the sky, Lord, in the sky
Won't you try dear friends, won't you try?

An awkward part was when you subbed “for to carry” with “delivering” which didn’t flow like the original. He sings “for-to-CARR-y” which makes the stress fall on “del-iv-ER-ing” instead of “de-LIV-er-ing”.

Undertaker, please drive slow
Cappriciosa, vesuvio (too many syllables again - doesn't fit over the original)

You get the idea by now so I’ll stop there.

I also noticed that you didn’t do the whole song so I got lost after the second verse. I counted 4 verses & 4 choruses in the OS (v/c/v/c/v/c/v/c), but you’ve only done 3 verses & 2 choruses (v/c/v/v/c).

Maybe I’m just being too fussy because I care more about pacing to the original song than story content in my own ones. If so, just ignore me!

Pretty good overall for a newcomer. I’m sure a lot of contributors here look back at their earliest ones and aren’t that happy with them – I certainly feel that way!

@Andy Constructive criticism much appreciated. It's often more useful than praise. Your comments on the meter and stresses are all fair enough. As for missing verses, I worked with what I had. I'll have to be careful to match the OS link to the exact version I use in the future. This is a country standard with many many versions out there. The most famous are by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band who repopularized it in the 1970s. I have mixed feelings abut the exact syllable count. This kind of material is very syncopated and can be sung comfortably with slightly different counts and stresses, so I wasn't too careful about that. I tend to go for the overall concept and humor potential. I definitely agree 'delivering my pizza today' was a bad line. 'To deliver my pizza today' would have echoed that 3rd syllable stress much better. As for the Italian, it's difficult to fit for rhyme and rhythm, so I took a little license there as well, though I knew it wasn't perfect.. Your criticisms are most welcome and thank you for 'raising the bar' for me regarding meter. While composing my next effort I'll be thinking 'Andy's gonna be reading this', lol.

In case you're not aware: "original performer" doesn't mean the first who performed it - it means the artist who performed the version that you've done.

"Cecelia-n" (note the hyphen) was a pun on "Sicilian". I do that a lot in my comments, then give some hint as to the real commenter, as when the one immediately below said. "TT P.S." ;) (In other words, Cecelia-n was moi.)

"Paisano" - Italian. Bad guess, but you rattled off stuff like "Quattro stagione" so smoothly. ..

Regarding the pace and stress errors Andy P noted, please take only a few minutes and check out this writer's easy system to nail them perfectly every time. Eventually, it becomes automatic to do it in your head. Here is the link again, to

"Tommy Turtle's Tips for Perfect Parody Pacing"
    http://home.earthlink.net/~tommythedancingturtle/id3.html

I'd venture that you'll find that any style of music or rhythm can be matched, if you just try a bit.

When you get a chance, check out our ongoing discussion at "Hillary" for some more tips, including tech tips. Cheers.