Well that'll be the sleigh
Now in North Pole drive
Yeah that'll be the sleigh
Of u-beaut surprise
You're leaving Christmas Eve
(The first great big lie)
Must hustle - get this sleigh
In the sky !

Well, I'll give the deer some shoving
Not all this kiddy gloving
Orders from the missus
'Cus we're overdue
We-ll, twen-ty-some hours baby
We-ll timeframe is crazy
How can I be sup-posed to?

Well that'll be the sleigh
The elves' bringin' by
Yes, that'll be the sleigh
Been garaged past nine
I pray the runner's greased
Kris Kringle's this guy
A hassle - get this sleigh
In the sky!

Well, Fat-man's in the sleigh
Hope it will still fly
Red hat, we're on our way
The new paint's not dry
Mechanic's got a lien
Till payments arrive
A rattle-trappin' sleigh
To ensky !

I'll fly - a stupid shopping cart
Transport's not very smart
Go buy at ArcticMart
A Subaru
Frostbite enfolds me
And will chill me coldly
That dumb sleigh's con-ver-ti-blue!

Well, crap all in the sleigh
Weighs ten ton and five
Gets reindeer disarrayed
When steroids they try
This freight's emcumbery
We'll fall from the sky
What's rattlin' in this dray?
We'll all die...

Be addled - drive this sleigh - Ho Ho
Drat! I better pray -Oh Oh!
Stabilizer's frayed - Boo Hoo
Splat'll go the sleigh...