No redhead or blonde
Ever hung on the Ponderosa
Not a gal on the range
And it seemed kinda' strange
Just Paw and his sons of three
A sexual bond
There was none on the Ponderosa
Did they just ride their horses,
Never think intercourses,
...A celibate family ?
(or)
Gay incest, there in the west
Ben was Paw's first name
Guys gone wild, in western style
Ben and bend sound the same

Were drag duds donned
By fella's on the Ponderosa ?
On long boring nights,
Would they dress in tights
Frolic and get kinkee ?

Hoss and Joe and Adam know
Sex was on their mind
Can't just work, fight, and eat
Did they cross the line ?

Flaunt their wand
In the middle of the Ponderosa
Try some things with a rope
And a big bar a' soap
A wild pornographic spree..

Grow way too fond
Of their kin on the Ponderosa
And then invite Hop Sing
To their ranch house fling
For a saturday nite orgee.

Gay incest, there in the west
Ben was Paw's first name
Guys gone wild, in western style
Ben and bend sound the same

Did need abscond
With morals on the Ponderosa ?
For that friendliest, fightenist, lovin'est? band
That coulda' been it, or they used their hand
Just too happy, them guys all were
Without a "Her" on - Ponderosa
Ponderosa,
Ponderosa