Oh, the reindeers landed gently
Up upon the roof.
I alit from the sleigh real softly
'Cause I didn't want to goof.
Then I lept into the smokestack
But I'm not in too good shape,
Half way down I got caught
And knew I couldn't escape.
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end?
To be stuck inside a chimney
With the Christmas blues again.

Mrs. Klaus tried to tell me
To use the front door next time.
She said that all the fireplaces
Will burn my fat behind.
An' I said, "Oh, I didn't know that,
But now I've learned my lesson
Next time I'll just grab a sandwich
At the nearest delicatessen."
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end?
To be stuck inside a chimney
With the Christmas blues again.

Well, Clinton, he's in the chimney
With cigars from Hong Kong,
Speaking to some intern,
Who's wearing but a thong.
And I would send her a present
Of tuition for some learnin'.
To save herself for an honest man
Who'll keep his lamps trimmed and burnin'.
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end?
To be stuck inside a chimney
With the Christmas blues again.

Now the ballot gave me two choices,
And it said, "Punch a hole."
One was for a Texas governor,
The other for a Tennessee pol.
An' like a fool I got mixed up
An' I punched it like a cannon,
An' now I'm really pissed off
'Cause I voted for Buchanan.
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end?
To be stuck inside a chimney
With the Christmas blues again.

Now the vice president went down there
Telling everyone he won,
Handing out new ballots
To everyone in the sun.
An' me, I got in big trouble
With a girl who thought I was phony
Now I'm stuck with a pregnant chad
And paying patrimony.
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end?
To be stuck inside a chimney
With the Christmas blues again.

Now the governor looked so baffled
When I asked him to explain
How his tax cuts won't cause the surplus
To get flushed down the toilet drain.
Then he cursed me when I proved it to him,
Then I whispered, "I know about the cocaine.
You see, you're just like me,
We're both addled in the brain."
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end?
To be stuck inside a chimney
With the Christmas blues again.

When Virginia says so sweetly
"Is Santa Claus for real?
Who is this St. Nicholas?
I don't buy this jolly spiel."
An' I say, "Aw come on now,
You must have gotten from me a gift."
An' she says, "Those gifts came from Amazon.com
You must think I'm not too swift."
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end?
To be stuck inside a chimney
With the Christmas blues again.

Now the pricks work on Wall Street
Where the moneyed madman works.
They all profit there so handsomely,
They all seem like such jerks.
An' here I sit so patiently
Waiting to find out how dear
It is to get out of sitting
In this smokestack through next year.
Oh, Mama, can this really be the end?
To be stuck inside a chimney
With the Christmas blues again.