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Song Parodies -> "Things"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Bobby Darin

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Paul Sta without the R

The Lyrics

It's about a bloke who's married and cannot get out much.
Every night I sit beside my window (window)
Staring out at boring avenue (avenue)
I can’t go out ‘cos I’ve got no money (money)
I am always skint because of you

Because you want things,
Like a kitchen supreme, things
Like a bathroom that gleams, things
You can’t say I haven’t tried
I’m surprised I haven’t died
Things, ‘cos I never stop
Things, I work round the clock
Dreaming of the things I used to do…ah ooh !

It’s Friday night; some lads are going clubbing (clubbing)
But I’m stuck watching “ Emmerdale “ with you (home with you)
Soon with others shoulders they’ll be rubbing (rubbing)
The only place I go is B and Q

Because you want things
Like a new place to park, things
Just like Kathy and Mark, things
I’ll have to work till it’s dark
When I come in our dog barks
Things, we don’t really need
Things, I thought we’d agreed
The catalogue’s the only thing you read…ah ooh !

I spend all my Saturdays in Top Shop (Top Shop)
Standing in one place I cannot hack (cannot hack)
So from foot to foot I constantly hop (lee hop)
While our lass tries tops on out the back
She says, “You look bored go and find a bookshop (bookshop)
I’ll be back in half an hour you’ll see (you will see)
Meanwhile I’ll go and look inside “ le cookshop” (cookshop)
Then we’ll go to Binns for scones and tea”
Even there they’ve got…
Things, like a new luggage set
Things, there’s no time for a bet
Things, like a Dyson that cleans
There’s no cash inside my jeans
Things, which have cleaned me out
Leave, me in little doubt
Shopping isn’t what it’s all about
And the bloody car park never gives change out…ah ooh

I said I have got a good idea (idea)
Lets jump in the car and do the coast (do the coast)
But you said, “ no, lets go to Ikea (Ikea)
That’s the place I like to go the most”
Because they have things, of which I’ve never heard
Things, which are bloody absurd
Things, named after Swedish men. like…
A set of bookshelves they call Sven
Coffee tables known as Lars
Solid oak my arse
The superstore from Sweden’s such a farce..ah..ooh

Places that we go are dull and boring (tut boring)
Full of easily misled bloody fools (bloody fools)
While they should be out there in the sunshine (sunshine)
They’re all busy buying kitchen stools
Because they like things, like an overpriced shed
Things that you drape on the bed
Things, like a small house for kids
Foldy boxes with nee lids
Things, you don’t want to know
Things, like a “toilet to go”
These are all the things you could forego …ah ooh

Why be in a place that’s got nee windows (windows)
When you could be outdoors having fun (having fun)
Why you think that shopping is fun God knows (God knows)
I’ll be pleased when all the shopping’s done
Some men don’t do any home improvements (provements)
They go down the pub; they’ve got more sense (got more sense)
They don’t get involved in grocery shopping (shopping)
Malcolm still thinks milk is 50 pence
They don’t worry 'bout things,
Like a high-powered hose
Things, that would get up their nose
Things, like a new pine shelf
They’d suggest “Do It Yourself”
Things, like the football pools
Things, like a pint or 2
Tend to be the only things they do …ah ooh

Memories are all I have to cling to (cling to)
When it comes to football, beer and sex (beer 'n' sex)
When we met, we seemed so easy going (going)
Now were more like bloody Posh and Becks
Because we have things, that are made out of pine
Things, like a retractable line
Things, like a foldy-up bed
We’ve had several since we wed
Things, like a conservatory
Are, such a mystery to me
It’s just place to put the Christmas tree ..ah ooh

At Christmas all the dance floors will be hopping (hopping)
Everybody’s up for having fun (having fun)
But all you want to do is Christmas shopping (shopping)
Buy one get one free, and two for one
Because you want things, unlike beer ‘n’ cigs
Things, like a new set of twigs
Things, like some outdoor lights
You should be wearing your party tights
Things, like stopping out
Songs, you want to scream and shout
Are what fun at Christmas is about …ah ooh

I would like to go out for a bar meal (bar meal)
In a pub with football shown on Sky (shown on Sky)
But you’ve got other plans; you said I think we’ll (think we’ll)
Have another look to M.F.I.
Because they’ve got things, like a double divan
Things, to upset any man
Things, like a carousel
You put your cups in (build yersel’)
Things, get me out of here
Things, I’d rather have some beer
And talk about the things I used to do …ah ooh

Other lads go out because they love it (love it)
No matter how I try you won’t let me (won’t let me)
While they get dressed up in their best gear (gear)
I get dressed up in me P.P.E.
Because you want things, like a wall bracket fixed
Things, like a paint that is mixed
Things, like a unit built
I’m in debt up to the hilt
Things, like a fence to be sprayed
Things, for which we haven’t paid
You’re the woman who must be obeyed …ah ooh

Our house does not possess a carpet (carpet)
All we have is laminated floors (‘nated floors)
I said I, would rather buy, a car, pet (car, pet)
But you got them and now want matching doors
When the neighbours saw our new floor covering (covering)
Brian next door said I was t(w)it (was a t(w)it)
He said, “far from looking comfortable and cosy (cosy)
It looks as though you’re doing a moonlight flit”

I still can hear the jukebox vaguely playing (playing)
The faces I now see each day are few (very few)
They’re no longer single; bound, of course they’re still around
But like me, they dream of things they used to do
And me heart aches ‘cos they’re all in B and Q
Dreaming of the things they used to do…

While I’m staring out……at boring avenue…AH OOH !!!!!!!!!!

“Things” : Paul Sta without the R 29/06/08

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Pacing: 5.0
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Total Votes: 1

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LilThangLess - October 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Sir, this is good, and soooo very true! ~Those dang Thangs~ will fang us in the end, as we surely can't take them with us !

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