I just had to draw the smallest straw (take it, take it back)
I was really hopin' I could sleep 'til dawn (c'mon)
Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it
Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it (I'm miffed, a little)
Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it
Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it (I'm pissed, a little) (la-la-la-la)
I'm filled with anger (la-la-la-la), I really mind (la-la-la-la)
I hate this job (la-la-la-la), least at this time (la-la-la-la)
It's such a pain (la-la-la-la), brings all the stress (la-la-la-la-la)
Stick with it 'cause I hate my rent

On the late patrol, hate the late patrol
Stupid late patrol, bullshit late patrol
Walkin' the empty hallways, empty hallways
Empty hallways, empty hallways

I'm just a simple guard, it's not a real fun job
A circle made of lines is what I walk all shift long
Used to nine-to-friggin'-five
But I lack the perk to pick and choose, it isn't right
I got the worst damn rotation
I must fulfill my obligations, yeah-eah-eah
Clock in at the startin' station
Then look for any invasions, yeah-eah-eah, what's that? Oh, nothin', nothin'

On the late patrol (na, na), forced-on late patrol (no-no, na, na)
Stupid late patrol (no-no, na, na), borin' late patrol (na, na)
There's no-one in these hallways (na, na), in these hallways
In these hallways, in these hallways

First I had anger but that has died
It's such a slog, a borin' grind
A total drain, no buzz or pep
'Cept from cans of soft drink I belt

What is that over there? Small bird, never mind
Torch I have just scared it off, waste of my time
I check 'round the front and I check 'round the back
I would take no shit if there were asshats
But no-one in a balaclava's 'round
With a rope and no plan to get out
Dead of night and there's no moonlight
A really good time now for a little heist
I'm that goody-two-shoes who will fight
The bastards who come but there's none to find

It's pure stagnation (pure stagnation)
Almost like it's content starvation, yeah-eah-eah-eah (weird starvation)
I would give myself narration (oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, self-narration)
The next shift would want explanations, yeah-eah-eah-eah (oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah), oh, may seem crazy

On the late patrol (this blows), lame-ass late patrol (late patrol)
Stupid late patrol (this blows), empty late patrol (late patrol)
I'm walkin' through hollow hallways (hollow hallways), hollow hallways (hollow hallways)
Hollow hallways (hollow hallways), hollow hallways, yeah-ee-yeah-eah-eah

There's jack worth seein', can't start leavin', whole night to go (damn late patrol)
Just the wind shiftin', my brain's leakin', I'm super bored (damn late patrol)
Really hate this, I can't take it, it's not a joke (damn late patrol)
My mind goes on treks, goes "Wait a sec, this whole thing is nuts
Walkin' 'round in circles, 'round in circles to guard this stuff ('round in circles)
Though I can't rule out that some clown might want this stuff
But this is only a store that sells cheese
Why is a night guard a thing this store needs?"

On the late patrol, pointless late patrol
Stupid late patrol, dumb-ass late patrol
Won't be fools in these hallways, in these empty hallways
Empty hallways, empty hallways
On the late patrol, hate the late patrol, no, no
Stupid late patrol, bullshit late patrol
I'm walkin' the empty hallways (oh, yeah-eah-eah), empty hallways (oh, yeah-eah-eah-eah-yeah)
Empty hallways, empty hallways (oh, yeah-eah-eah-eah-eah)

Ridiculous situation
Protectin' this lame-ass location, yeah-eah-eah-eah
No explanation (explanation)
Or some actual information, yeah-eah-eah-eah (information)
Why this small-ass corporation (corporation)
Needs all the guards, weird occupation, yeah-eah-eah-eah (occupation)

But will I know? I don't think so (doubtin', doubtin')
Why is that bush movin'? Stupid raccoon, go (c'mon)!
Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it
Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it (I just don't get it)
Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it
Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it (straight up don't get it)
I just don't, I just don't, I just don't get it
What brings me anger, at least this time
Is that the slog of workin' nights
Will cleanse the brain of thoughts I get
So next night guard, same ones again