-> "Please, Officer Shtupme"
Original Song Title:
"Gee, Officer Krupke (from West Side Story)"
Parody Song Title:
"Please, Officer Shtupme"
"Please, Officer Shtupme"
Behind me Sergeant Shtupme
please reach around your hand,
I’m beggin’ you, and cup me,
I’ll be at your command.
I feel you feel my monkey
and if I had the spunk,
Golly Moses, I’d drag you to the bunk!
See, Officer Shtupme, a uniform gets
him goin’ when it garbs a gal – it must be epaulettes!
In fantasies frequent
he’s sharin’ my wood …
deep down inside you must be good.
Action: Must be good!
Where’s his wood? Spare his wood!
His baton-rapped wood …
like John Courgar’s make it hurt so good.
Snowboy: (spoken) That’s a crushin’ wood story.
Action: (spoken) Lemme tell it to the world.
Snowboy: (spoken) Just tell it to the judge.
I find, dear Judge, I wanna
watch Sergeant Shtupme slough
her togs like an iguana
’til she’s standin’ in the buff.
Like meter-readin’ Rita,
liveried with ticket pad …
leapin’ lizards, Shtupme drives me mad.
Diesel: (as Judge) Right!
Officer Shtupme, you must be aware
those melon-mounted medals a boy’s notice will snare.
With penile ptosis
from lust this one’s curbed
he’s spike-ologic’ly disturbed.
Action: I’m disturbed!
He’s perturbed and disturbed
’cause of lust he’s curbed,
like he’s spike-ologic’ly disturbed.
Diesel: (spoken, as Judge) In the opinion of this court, this child is depraved on account he ain’t had a normal bone.
Action: (spoken) Hey, I’m depraved on account I’m deprived!
Diesel: (spoken, as Judge) So take him to a headshrinker.
My ma is a drill master
whose men say “Yessiree,”
and no one dares to sass her
(especially not me),
while daddy’s only privates
shrivel up in civvy dress …
Goodness gracious, that’s why I’m a mess.
A-rab: (as Psychiatrist) Ja!
Ach! Polizist Shtupme, ist choo das ist “prob.”
Ziss kitt, ’ee chust neetz eine kleine han-chob!
Zo ficken Sie ihm mit dein Faust (das heißt, “wank”)
sonst zoshullogic’ly ’ee’s krank!**
Action: Am I sick!?!
Yes, you’re sick, flaccid d*ck,
but you’ll straighten out quick
if Shtupme the flic gives it a flick.
A-rab: (spoken, as Psychiatrist) I am zinkin’ das ziss kinder dun’t neet ’iss head shrunk no vay … ziss choovenile'ss wiener shrinkage, zee, iss chust iss zoshull dis-eece.
Action: (spoken) Hey, I got a social disease!
A-Rab: (spoken, Psychiatrist) Zo take ihm auf ein zoshull vorker!
Assigned me, social worker,
to cure me by hand-f*ck,
Sergeant Shtupme is a shirker,
she just says “Good luck.”
Oh, how can she say “No,” she’ll
not give me a jerk?
Gloriosky! She should think it’s a perk!
Baby John: (as Social Worker) Eek!
Officer Shtupme, you simply must ken
that only you can teach this boy to … “write with his pen.”
It’s simply a matter of untutored wood --
deep down inside you he’d be good.
Action: (spoken) I’d be good!
He’d have wood as he should
and he’d feel so good
like, about himself he would feel good.
Diesel: (as Judge) He only needs a lay, see?
A-Rab: (as Psychatrist) Vich Shtupme knohss, I zink!
Baby John: (as Social Worker) And a word or two of praise, see?
Diesel: He doesn’t need a shrink, ...
A-Rab: ... just some sex’d have him glowing ...
Baby John: … If it’s Shtupme that he’s “knowing.”
Shtupme, he’s got trouble with his bone.
Please, Officer Shtupme,
give Action a squeeze
he’s got a little problem some hand motion’ll ease.
See, Officer Shtupme,
if you help him spew,
he, Officer Shtupme
(will) stup you.
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|How Funny: ||5.0|
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