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Song Parodies -> "Richard Simmons/Carole Lombard/Lloyd Pantages Medley"
Original Song Title:
"Vitaphone Varieties #1696 - Ben Pollack Medley"
Original Performer:
Ben Pollack and his Orchestra
Parody Song Title:
"Richard Simmons/Carole Lombard/Lloyd Pantages Medley"
Parody Written by:
Marrying Widows
The Lyrics
Here’s a medley of four songs parodying the 1934 Vitaphone Varieties short, “Ben Pollack and his Orchestra” with singers Nappy Lamare and Doris Robbins. The first three songs in this medley have already been published here before, and the last one is an entirely new version. The first song in this medley is dedicated to Richard Simmons, who died Saturday at the age of 76. Enjoy!
“BEN POLLACK and his ORCHESTRA present…the Richard Simmons/Carole Lombard/Lloyd Pantages Medley! With Miss Doris Robbins and Hilton “Nappy” Lamare doing the vocalizing.”
“First up, Nappy Lamare remembers the late fitness guru Richard Simmons in an updated take of, “Got the Jitters”.”
RICHARD SIMMONS’ DreamMaker
Dedicated to Richard Simmons (1948-2024)
Got the dreamers, got the dreamers,
A forgotten show, Richard Simmons’ DreamMaker.
It aired in 1999,
After ONE season, the show died!
Now this rare show’s host wants to hide,
That’s DreamMaker!
Richard Simmons, Richard Simmons,
Went into hiding; the public, he won’t face it.
Does he remember DreamMaker?
Does he think it was a failure?
We want answers to these questions,
Richard Simmons!
When 2014 was new,
Simmons disappeared from public view!
This caused a “Missing” podcast,
But he’s lived longer than Ben Pollack!
Back to dreamers, back to dreamers,
Wasn’t bakers, wasn’t fakers, was DreamMaker.
Grand production, a large set up,
A forgotten TV let up,
On it’s host, now there’s a checkup,
THAT’S DREAMMAKER!!!
Like a million city dreamers,
Who are not exactly streamers,
And want to watch this rare show,
That’s called DreamMaker!
(Ben Pollack writes a note for his wife, Doris Robbins.)
“DORIS ~ Think of me when you sing “The Beat of My Heart”. ~ Bennie.”
“And now, Miss Doris Robbins is here to sing an updated version of that fantastical feature, “The Beat of My Heart”.
…Strike up the band! Strike up the band!
Let me “change six words” and start,
In rhythm with the merry beat of my heart!
Never thought my life very musical,
Just a random melody…
But since the day you met my heart,
Life is a symphony…
(“Hey Bennie, I’m still trying to remember the opening parts of this lyric.”)
(“Well Doris, you’d better start singin’, or else we’re gonna have another presidential assasination.”)
(“That should mean assisted ejaculation. Play, Bennie, play!”)
Here’s that year, was filled with cheers,
A famous woman was an assistant
Consistent dress worn in 1951,
Loved by all men, and statuesque,
Boy Scouts were thrilled by her in the heightened excitement
Of that year 1951,
It all began,
The day “Roxanne” became a hit in her own way,
‘Need I further say?
That because of her, the world was changed forever,
She was famous, not a faker, called “terrific cheesecake”,
In the crushes and blushes of boys,
In 1951!
Tissues were needed throughout the seasons,
By all men, young & old, this young woman
Gave them happiness in 1951,
And since that time,
World’s not seen a woman as fine,
Features divine,
It was filled with young cheers,
History’s greatest year,
In the great A.D. 1951!
Hear the sound,
The cheering upon the ground,
Shattered ears,
That wake up my heart!
Yell at me,
Your hormone-filled symphony,
Can’t it stop,
Since you had to start!
And since that time,
World’s not seen a woman as fine,
Features divine,
It was filled with young cheers,
History’s greatest year,
In the great A.D. 1951!
(“HEY! You’re not supposed to talk about that topic on here anymore!”)
(“Quick, Bennie! Change the song subject!”)
“And now, we encounter a lovely update of Rudolf Friml’s classic, “L’amour, Toujours, L’amour.” This time we’re going to revisit the year of 1927, when actress Carole Lombard and society heir Lloyd Pantages were just a couple of kids, and their hormones were on fire for each other. It’s not beyond the scope of reason that they went to a theme park together. With that in mind, Miss Doris Robbins and Ben Pollack will reprise the roles of Carole and “Pantsy” in, “Lombard, Carole Lombard.” Play, Ben!”
LOMBARD; Carole Lombard (Legs Everlasting)
Starring…
Ben Pollack as Lloyd “Pantsy” Pantages
Miss Doris Robbins as Carole (of the Curves) Lombard
Nappy Lamare as “George&GermaineBriantFan”
(Editor’s note: In the original Ben Pollack Vitaphone short, “L’amour, Toujours, L’amour” is performed as an instrumental without the verses. I’ve included the full lyrics verses from my previous posting of this song, as well as a brief comic bit.)
Carole Lombard: “Gee whiz, Lloydie, let’s go onto the Ferris wheel together! I’ll sit on the left side and you sit on the right.”
Lloyd Pantages: “But I’ve never been on one of these before.”
Carole: “Oh Lloydie, if you don’t do it, George&GermaineBriantFan is gonna dig up this uneventful story and make it his obsession one day. So I suggest you come up there with me and hug me while you look at my lovely, creamy legs.”
Lloyd: “I don’t know who G&GBF is, but if you say so, I’ll ride it with you.”
Carole: “Yippee! Thanks, Pantsy. And take that animal prize with you too, or else G&GBF isn’t gonna have enough detail to merit a parody.”
(Ben Pollack sings)
(Verse 1)
Carole! I’ve found you at last!
Won’t you share me your song?
I’ve seen your stare in the past,
I have waited for you so long!
Oh, legs everlasting,
Swimsuits, theme parks, rides with you…
(Chorus)
Lombard! Carole Lombard!
I’ll see the theme park with you!
Ferris wheel riding awaits,
Please wear your swimsuit all day,
And weave your stare around me!
Lombard! Carole Lombard!
Your legs can sure tell love’s story…
Swimsuit-wearing glory,
Lombard, Carole Lombard.
Carol: “Gosh, it sure is windy up here, Pantsy.”
Lloyd: “We haven’t even gotten to the top, yet.” Unknown voice: “HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!!”
Carol: (screams) “WHO IS THAT????”
Voice: “I’m George&GermaineBriantFan, and I’ve come to scare you at your amusement park day!!!”
Lloyd: “It’s you!!!”
Carol: “Pantsy, who does he remind you of?”
G&GBF: “Silence! Your amusement park/teenagers in young love story will be my obsession for the next three months. Be prepared to have the people of AmIRight read the joys of your funny one-liners and young love and other things from back in 1927! ‘Cause after beating all the other six topics into the ground, how about a new obsession that I can turn into a franchise/false narrative?”
Carol: “NEVAR!!! You stay away from this moment and let us kiss each other in love!”
G&GBF: “Fine, but you can’t stop me from turning this fake, made-up scenario into a pawn for my latest fixation.
(Doris Robbins sings)
(Verse 2)
On a Ferris wheel at last!
Won’t you sing me a song?
I don’t feel like an outcast,
I’ll sit near you as this ride’s long…
Oh, legs everlasting,
Stare at me, it will come true…
(Both singing)
(Chorus)
Lombard! Carole Lombard!
Only I’ll always love you!
Ferris wheel riding awaits,
Please wear your swimsuit all day,
And weave your stare around me!
Lombard! Carole Lombard!
Your legs can sure tell love’s story…
Swimsuit-wearing glory,
Lombard, Carole Lombard!
Carole: “Gosh, that sure was fun, Pantsy!”
Lloyd: “Don’t thank me yet! Another song is coming up”
(Telephone rings SFX)
“Ben Pollack and Doris Robbins do Maurice Chevalier’s hit of 1932, MIMI.”
(Ben Pollack sings)
Carole, you funny little good for nothing Carole,
Am I the guy?
Carole, you sunny little honey of a Carole,
I'm aiming high!
Carole, you've got me sad and dreamy,
You could free me, if you'd see me.
Carole, you know I'd like to have
A little son of a Carole, bye and bye!
(SAXOPHONE SOLO!!! But it’s only four bars. Pop music was way more stringent on jazz solos in 1934.)
(Doris Robbins sings!)
Pantsy, you funny little good for nothing Pantsy,
Am I the girl?
(Ben Pollack)
Carole, you sunny little honey of a Carole,
I'm aiming high!
(Doris Robbins)
Pantsy, you've got me sad and dreamy,
You could free me, if you'd see me.
Pantsy, you know I'd like to have
A little son of a Pantsy, bye and bye!
(Instrumental chorus, slightly sped up)
“And there you have BEN POLLACK and his ORCHESTRA, closing out an update of their Vitaphone Varieties short! Vocal variations were by Nappy Lamare, Ben Pollack and Miss Doris Robbins. Now, remember to take control when you’ve “Got the Jitters”, listen to “The Beat of My Heart”, make sure you have a “Love Everlasting”, and make sure you call your girl “Mimi” later tonight. The parody, “Richard Simmons’ DreamMaker” is in dedication to Richard Simmons, who passed away recently at the age of 76. Have a great night.”
Doris Robbins: Good night, everybody!
Ben Pollack: May it please you. ~ Ben Pollack.
Nappy Lamare: But I didn’t even get to say-
Ben Pollack: Good night, folks.
“First up, Nappy Lamare remembers the late fitness guru Richard Simmons in an updated take of, “Got the Jitters”.”
RICHARD SIMMONS’ DreamMaker
Dedicated to Richard Simmons (1948-2024)
Got the dreamers, got the dreamers,
A forgotten show, Richard Simmons’ DreamMaker.
It aired in 1999,
After ONE season, the show died!
Now this rare show’s host wants to hide,
That’s DreamMaker!
Richard Simmons, Richard Simmons,
Went into hiding; the public, he won’t face it.
Does he remember DreamMaker?
Does he think it was a failure?
We want answers to these questions,
Richard Simmons!
When 2014 was new,
Simmons disappeared from public view!
This caused a “Missing” podcast,
But he’s lived longer than Ben Pollack!
Back to dreamers, back to dreamers,
Wasn’t bakers, wasn’t fakers, was DreamMaker.
Grand production, a large set up,
A forgotten TV let up,
On it’s host, now there’s a checkup,
THAT’S DREAMMAKER!!!
Like a million city dreamers,
Who are not exactly streamers,
And want to watch this rare show,
That’s called DreamMaker!
(Ben Pollack writes a note for his wife, Doris Robbins.)
“DORIS ~ Think of me when you sing “The Beat of My Heart”. ~ Bennie.”
“And now, Miss Doris Robbins is here to sing an updated version of that fantastical feature, “The Beat of My Heart”.
…Strike up the band! Strike up the band!
Let me “change six words” and start,
In rhythm with the merry beat of my heart!
Never thought my life very musical,
Just a random melody…
But since the day you met my heart,
Life is a symphony…
(“Hey Bennie, I’m still trying to remember the opening parts of this lyric.”)
(“Well Doris, you’d better start singin’, or else we’re gonna have another presidential assasination.”)
(“That should mean assisted ejaculation. Play, Bennie, play!”)
Here’s that year, was filled with cheers,
A famous woman was an assistant
Consistent dress worn in 1951,
Loved by all men, and statuesque,
Boy Scouts were thrilled by her in the heightened excitement
Of that year 1951,
It all began,
The day “Roxanne” became a hit in her own way,
‘Need I further say?
That because of her, the world was changed forever,
She was famous, not a faker, called “terrific cheesecake”,
In the crushes and blushes of boys,
In 1951!
Tissues were needed throughout the seasons,
By all men, young & old, this young woman
Gave them happiness in 1951,
And since that time,
World’s not seen a woman as fine,
Features divine,
It was filled with young cheers,
History’s greatest year,
In the great A.D. 1951!
Hear the sound,
The cheering upon the ground,
Shattered ears,
That wake up my heart!
Yell at me,
Your hormone-filled symphony,
Can’t it stop,
Since you had to start!
And since that time,
World’s not seen a woman as fine,
Features divine,
It was filled with young cheers,
History’s greatest year,
In the great A.D. 1951!
(“HEY! You’re not supposed to talk about that topic on here anymore!”)
(“Quick, Bennie! Change the song subject!”)
“And now, we encounter a lovely update of Rudolf Friml’s classic, “L’amour, Toujours, L’amour.” This time we’re going to revisit the year of 1927, when actress Carole Lombard and society heir Lloyd Pantages were just a couple of kids, and their hormones were on fire for each other. It’s not beyond the scope of reason that they went to a theme park together. With that in mind, Miss Doris Robbins and Ben Pollack will reprise the roles of Carole and “Pantsy” in, “Lombard, Carole Lombard.” Play, Ben!”
LOMBARD; Carole Lombard (Legs Everlasting)
Starring…
Ben Pollack as Lloyd “Pantsy” Pantages
Miss Doris Robbins as Carole (of the Curves) Lombard
Nappy Lamare as “George&GermaineBriantFan”
(Editor’s note: In the original Ben Pollack Vitaphone short, “L’amour, Toujours, L’amour” is performed as an instrumental without the verses. I’ve included the full lyrics verses from my previous posting of this song, as well as a brief comic bit.)
Carole Lombard: “Gee whiz, Lloydie, let’s go onto the Ferris wheel together! I’ll sit on the left side and you sit on the right.”
Lloyd Pantages: “But I’ve never been on one of these before.”
Carole: “Oh Lloydie, if you don’t do it, George&GermaineBriantFan is gonna dig up this uneventful story and make it his obsession one day. So I suggest you come up there with me and hug me while you look at my lovely, creamy legs.”
Lloyd: “I don’t know who G&GBF is, but if you say so, I’ll ride it with you.”
Carole: “Yippee! Thanks, Pantsy. And take that animal prize with you too, or else G&GBF isn’t gonna have enough detail to merit a parody.”
(Ben Pollack sings)
(Verse 1)
Carole! I’ve found you at last!
Won’t you share me your song?
I’ve seen your stare in the past,
I have waited for you so long!
Oh, legs everlasting,
Swimsuits, theme parks, rides with you…
(Chorus)
Lombard! Carole Lombard!
I’ll see the theme park with you!
Ferris wheel riding awaits,
Please wear your swimsuit all day,
And weave your stare around me!
Lombard! Carole Lombard!
Your legs can sure tell love’s story…
Swimsuit-wearing glory,
Lombard, Carole Lombard.
Carol: “Gosh, it sure is windy up here, Pantsy.”
Lloyd: “We haven’t even gotten to the top, yet.” Unknown voice: “HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!!”
Carol: (screams) “WHO IS THAT????”
Voice: “I’m George&GermaineBriantFan, and I’ve come to scare you at your amusement park day!!!”
Lloyd: “It’s you!!!”
Carol: “Pantsy, who does he remind you of?”
G&GBF: “Silence! Your amusement park/teenagers in young love story will be my obsession for the next three months. Be prepared to have the people of AmIRight read the joys of your funny one-liners and young love and other things from back in 1927! ‘Cause after beating all the other six topics into the ground, how about a new obsession that I can turn into a franchise/false narrative?”
Carol: “NEVAR!!! You stay away from this moment and let us kiss each other in love!”
G&GBF: “Fine, but you can’t stop me from turning this fake, made-up scenario into a pawn for my latest fixation.
(Doris Robbins sings)
(Verse 2)
On a Ferris wheel at last!
Won’t you sing me a song?
I don’t feel like an outcast,
I’ll sit near you as this ride’s long…
Oh, legs everlasting,
Stare at me, it will come true…
(Both singing)
(Chorus)
Lombard! Carole Lombard!
Only I’ll always love you!
Ferris wheel riding awaits,
Please wear your swimsuit all day,
And weave your stare around me!
Lombard! Carole Lombard!
Your legs can sure tell love’s story…
Swimsuit-wearing glory,
Lombard, Carole Lombard!
Carole: “Gosh, that sure was fun, Pantsy!”
Lloyd: “Don’t thank me yet! Another song is coming up”
(Telephone rings SFX)
“Ben Pollack and Doris Robbins do Maurice Chevalier’s hit of 1932, MIMI.”
(Ben Pollack sings)
Carole, you funny little good for nothing Carole,
Am I the guy?
Carole, you sunny little honey of a Carole,
I'm aiming high!
Carole, you've got me sad and dreamy,
You could free me, if you'd see me.
Carole, you know I'd like to have
A little son of a Carole, bye and bye!
(SAXOPHONE SOLO!!! But it’s only four bars. Pop music was way more stringent on jazz solos in 1934.)
(Doris Robbins sings!)
Pantsy, you funny little good for nothing Pantsy,
Am I the girl?
(Ben Pollack)
Carole, you sunny little honey of a Carole,
I'm aiming high!
(Doris Robbins)
Pantsy, you've got me sad and dreamy,
You could free me, if you'd see me.
Pantsy, you know I'd like to have
A little son of a Pantsy, bye and bye!
(Instrumental chorus, slightly sped up)
“And there you have BEN POLLACK and his ORCHESTRA, closing out an update of their Vitaphone Varieties short! Vocal variations were by Nappy Lamare, Ben Pollack and Miss Doris Robbins. Now, remember to take control when you’ve “Got the Jitters”, listen to “The Beat of My Heart”, make sure you have a “Love Everlasting”, and make sure you call your girl “Mimi” later tonight. The parody, “Richard Simmons’ DreamMaker” is in dedication to Richard Simmons, who passed away recently at the age of 76. Have a great night.”
Doris Robbins: Good night, everybody!
Ben Pollack: May it please you. ~ Ben Pollack.
Nappy Lamare: But I didn’t even get to say-
Ben Pollack: Good night, folks.
Due to the combination of songs and length of this entry, this is by far the hardest parody I’ve ever attempted.
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| 5 | 40 | 40 | 40 |
User Comments
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This is really rather good! I'll give you 555 for it.
Bawwwkk! Copy. Bawwwkk! Paste. My apologies to parrots - at least they can occasionally exhibit originality, unlike our Biden-brained King of ‘Tards. Yes, I used this same response on your stupid entries yesterday, but I know how much you love copy/pasting and repetition, so enjoy!
Thanks for your comments Phil Ossifer & The Real Phil Ossifer. I really appreciate your feedback you always leave on my parodies. Thanks!
Just to be honest with everyone on here, I’m fully aware that almost all of you would rather endure a daily deluge of dysentery than read whatever happens to get past my balloon knot, but I’m here to represent the low-IQ folks who have no real talents or abilities but like to pretend they “fit in” with creative, witty people. Please allow me to continue to live out my delusion as it’s all I’ve got.
Saw your note at the very bottom of this 3-page POS. Please feel free to spare yourself the exertion next time.
Thanks for your comments George&GermaineBriantFan and Reality for your comments. It is appreciated
I take issue with the bottom comment where you say, "this is the longest parody I've ever attempted. This is certainly an incredibly long something or other. What it's not is a parody.
The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.
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