These old gray hairs ain't the color they used to be
They're showing up all over me
Supposed to give me dignity
I plucked them out and now there's no hair to see
And I'm completely bare.

I tried a club where the hair is supposed to grow
After a year or so
One finally made the show
Not on my head, but down on my piggy toe
Alot of good it did down there.

I clipped it off and pasted it upon my head
It laid there like it was dead
Looked like a broken thread
So I took shag carpet and tacked it on my head instead
But I'd cut it in the shape of a square.

My wife had a sweeper and wouldn't you just know my luck
That baby could really suck
Every fiber did it pluck
Now my toupee looks like a nest for a crazy duck
And at this point I don't care.

So if you look up and see a gray hair sticking out
Don't start to scream and shout
Just ignore the little sprout
Leave it there and cast not a single doubt
Just be happy that you have some hair.