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Song Parodies -> "Product 37825 (Extended)"

Original Song Title:

"Goodbye (We All Live and Die)"

Original Performer:

Alexis King

Parody Song Title:

"Product 37825 (Extended)"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

My favorite Sir Alec Guinness movie is the British 1951 "The Man in the White Suit." The story is an enduring one about planned obsolescence and great inventions that have been suppressed by big corporations (and in this case, labor unions). Guinness plays near silent Sidney Stratton, a research scientist, that works for various textile mills using unauthorized funds to create a superfabric that will never be torn nor get dirty and glows in the dark at night! He is considered a lunatic but eventually scams his way into Birnleys and succeeds. But before any press conference and production, the industry corporate Mgrs want to buy him out to suppress the invention. Sidney refuses and is hunted down by a corporate lynch mob. He turns to labor who he believes will be on his side, but they too turn against him and form a lynch mob. At the end as he is cornered, it is discoverd that the material is ultimately unstable as his white suit falls apart. A predictable ending and a satisfactory one, but can't help but feel sad for Sidney who in the films end walks down the street with his notes and starts scribbling down a new idea!!!
Come, take a stroll through my textile mill
Look, at all of the new research thrills
But something in a corner catches your eyes
You become mystified
Sound and visuals collide
At what is liquefied
Clear turbine, tubes churnin’ out what cannot be defined
Nor identified…

Product 37825
Each scientist denies
That he signed
That he signed

Then, the accounting department is drilled
Blame, Chief of Research knows not of nil
Four thousand pounds? Someone to crucify!
Appears someone has lied
Impossible has been tried
Reports are falsified
Disturbing, perturbing, heavy hydrogen inside
This is a crime…

Product 37825
Each scientist denies
That he signed
That he signed

Come, Sirs, now who had these orders filled?
Time, who had the assembly to build?
Why does everyone look so surprised?
It’s the fear in their eyes
Unknown envelopes their lives
Fear the lunatic’s pride
Wheels are turning, heavy yearning, to blame and criticize
So now who was the guy?

In long jacket and tie?

[Stratton!!!]

All of this unauthorized!!!

Product 37825
Finally is synthesized
It defies
It defies

The man in the white suit must die!!!
Everlasting fiber is a lie!!!

[Progression-suppression from both sides]

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Pacing: 3.8
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 6

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User Comments

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Obsolete By Plan - January 31, 2014 - Report this comment
The funniest part was the wheelchair-bound and incredibly old and feeble British version of the oligarch Montgomery Burns. The conundrum of an indestructible cloth was pre-dated by the storied razor blade that never gets dull and is kept off the market by Gillette.
Patrick - January 31, 2014 - Report this comment
Then, there's the car that gets incredible gas mileage, but the oil companies bought out the inventor and kept it off the market. As if Toyota or Nissan wouldn't pay more than Exxon or BP! I've heard of this film for years but never saw it. One of the local channels has been running some old British movies at odd hours, so I will have to keep looking.
Rob Arndt - January 31, 2014 - Report this comment
It already happened with synthetic fuel since WW2. Germany ran 85% off synthetics during the war from 16 coal hydrogenation plants (coal gasification). The Allies shut-down the plants and even moved one to Brownsville, Tx to test the plant and products for a decade, compiling information. That information was held by Texas A&M and after the trials, the plant was closed and the US Army came to Texas A&M and confiscated all data. Big oil filed the findings away. But Texas A&M also had the files held on microfilm and recently those documents were revisted. Back postwar the cost of a barrel of crude was around $3 and the German synthetic was much higher to make... but it remained a future threat and so was suppressed. With crude oil now at over $110/barrel the German synthetic would be much cheaper to make and with better technology. It would eliminate all foreign oil needs as the US has a 300 year coal supply. The Germans also came up with a range of synthetic materials that were suppressed and medical technology as well as an aerodynamic car with drag coeffcient of 0.11. FYI
Susanna Viljanen - February 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Neat one. The Fischer-Tropsch synthesis also allowed South Africa to thrive during the trade embargo in the Apartheid period - they simply made all the gasoline and diesel they needed from coal by the FT process.
Rob Arndt - February 03, 2014 - Report this comment
A movie was made about the coal hydrogenation starring George C. Scott called "The Formula" in the early 1980s. It describes "Operation Genesis" in detail. It's hard to find in normal video stores but some Biglots! in the US sell it in a video slimcase for $3!!! The first process the Germans used prior to FT was the Bergius method and another plant was set-up postwar in Missouri to test that. Worked as well and was suppressed. The Germans wanted to move all synthetic fuel production underground by 1945 with 3 million sq ft facility, but only completed 700,000 sq ft! Another giant facility of 12 million sq ft would allocate space for synthetics of all types! In addition to the 16 hydrogenation plants, Germany also had 112 separate synthetic fuel research facilities! The US got 175 tons of documents on synthetic fuels from the Reich! Germans made synthetic rubber too (Buna), stealth materials (Opanol, Tarnmatte, Schornsteinfeger), synthetic penecillin substitute 3065, synthetic blood and blood plasma (capain and periston), supermetals (Luftschwamm, Nitriding of steel and aluminium, Viktalen, atomic alchemy), substances (N-Stoff, Red Mercury Antimony), supercompressed munitions (Sauer Amboss gun), rail and electric guns (Peenemunde 15cm Metalstrahl and Hansler 40mm electric gun), helical gun (15cm HF-15), engine-stopping devices (electrostatic, EM wave- Motorstoppmittel), X-Ray and Microwave weapons, disc-aircraft, and time-travel experiments!!!

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