To the tune of THE CHRISTMAS SONG

Essay featured in Economist,
Etymology disclosed -
Centerpiece of each year's Yuletide feast,
Subspecies bred in Mexico.

Dolts like me believed that gobblers and that Mid-east land -
Names were mere coincidence.
Ottomans, trading ships, caravans -
I understand, it now makes sense.

Each year I prove that I'm a goof,
I try create too late a spiffy Christmas spoof,
But with a month's delay I'll get it right
Helped by this article that' s called, "Turkey's Flight".

And so I'm proffering this paraphrase
Of what the author claimed was true,
French - d'inde, and the Turks call them 'hindi' - what jerks!
While in India, name in Hindi,
And in Portugal's 'peru'.

To the tune of GOOD KING WENCESLAS

Montezuma once cooked fowl tastier than pheasant
Shipped the Spanish queen a thou - funky kind of present
Isabella loathed the birds, trimmings too displeased her;
Had no use for leftovers, didn't have a free-eezer.

'Turkeys', Moors, then Jews were banned from the royal kitchens
Rumors say that's how began Spanish Inquisition.
Cortes later sacked the lands of the Aztec ruler
Phil or Izz-and-Ferdinand ? Can't say which was cru-ueller.

Avian émigrés toured through, crowns of Europe hosting,
Though few of their lackeys knew oven time for roasting,
Hot or cold and steep or flat, exiled birds were living,
Prospered in those countries that didn't have Thanksgi-iving.

Thus this misnamed flock did cope through the 16th century.
'ventually hens copped some hope with the English gentry.
For some time they settled down, breeding they found boring,
Westward they shipped out again, restlessly explo-oring.

Turkeys in America, native home recovered,
Quirky and hysterical history discovered -
Essay we would clearly rank best of the Econ'mist,
Author we should dearly thank-(s)he remains anon-ymous.




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