Now this is a story all about how
My Muggle life turned upside down
And if Draco's got a problem he can eat my shorts
But this is how I became the prince of a school called Hogwarts

In number four Privet Drive, I was raised
In the closet was where I spent most of my days
Battered and beaten and treated like shit
Tried not to let Dudley smack me like a bitch
When a big hairy guy on a bike that was cool
Came and said I got to go to magic school
Then he did one little spell and my aunt got scared
And said "If Hogwarts is so spiffy then you go and live there'

I got some money and I got me some books
And a Nimbus 2K I shined up just for looks
They gave me an owl and then they gave me my ticket
I leave September the first, and this is gonna be WICKED
First class, Hogwarts Express
Making Chocolate Frogs jump in my mouth, oh yes
Is this what the wizards of Hogwarts living like?
Hmmguess magic's all right
But wait, I hear there's evil, a Dark Lord and all that
Is this the type of place I should pursue my dreams at?
I don't know man, I won't be a spoilsport
But I hope they're prepared for the Prince of Hogwarts

Well ah, the train stopped and me and Ron got out
There was the massive hairy guy, he was calling our names out
Boated on the lake until we got to the castle
The teachers are cool, but this Snape's an asshole
We had to wear this hat and when I came near
It said, "You're Gryffindor, I hope you're happy this year"
If anything I could say the food here is great
But I thought, "Nah, they know that, just pass me the cake!"

I went up to my bed about seven or eight
"No Ron, I'm too tired, I'll play chess with you later"
No way a kid would ever meet Voldemort
So I'll just enjoy being Prince of Hogwarts