So your flat’s in fright by a huge pack of mice
Just give me a call I’ll fix that for a price
Piano turned to dust and you can’t play
I think you got termites I’ll come over and I’ll spray

There’s no need to fear I can do this while I nap
Lay a few traps out and then when you hear them snap
Your problems will be gone, no need to dismay
I’ll kill roaches, flies, ants, and telemarketers for pay

And so I’m barging in, Time for the showdown
Your apartment I’m surveying with my ear upon the ground
Now my brow is sweating, think you might be doomed
I don’t know what you got
(Well… It might be moose)

I’ll fight off this Zoo
But it looks like your screwed
Horseflies flown and now they’ve picked a bone with me
And when they are sighted they should all get scared
I’ve got on my shelf the pesticides to choke a bear

(They’ve had their last meals)

Offspring they’ve spawn
Now I’m bitter
Because your rats
Had a litter
And I am deranged
But no quitter
I will kill these
Pesky critters

The fleas formed a big mob
To make everyone itchy
Tried to shoot them down
But they made me so twitchy

To take on this job must have been such a fool
You’ve got crocodiles in your swimming pool

You’ve got bumblebees and hornets who’ve got stingers to man
Not to mention all the spiders that have cobwebbed your van
I keep, keep working to make these pests die
But in your living room now seagulls fly

And this is just unreal

I sprayed your lawn
Till it glittered
It did nothing
They still entered
And I tried a cage
Caught your sister
I can’t kill these
Pesky critters

Ant, ant, ant ant ant ant ant ants
Fly, fly, fly fly fly fly fly flies
Rat, rat, rat, rat rat rat rats
Bat, bat, bat bat bat bat bats
I can’t kill these pesky critters

I think that the only answer is to burn your house down
I could gun down a bear
But these house pests are all vowed (All vowed)

They’re vowed to stay here till the very end
Sorry about that here’s a discount my friend

Well, I just thought of something that will scare ‘em all out
Blast Celine Dion and it’s like a ghost town
Just keep, keep playing “My Heart Will Go On” (Heart will go on…)
You might go insane, but the pests will be gone

Now they’ve gone on
I’m a winner
Kicked out the fleas
And the spiders
Your garden snakes
Will not slither
I have slain these
Pesky Critters

Wanted them gone
I delivered
Now your rodents
All will quiver
But you’re still enraged
As skin shivers
Hearing Celine
(Awful singer)

I wrecked your lawn
It’s uncovered
And your pipes leak
You discovered
And while your front door
Lets in muggers
Just be happy
Got no buggers