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Song Parodies -> "Dot Com Special"
Original Song Title:
"Red Light Special"
(MP3)Original Performer:
TLC
Parody Song Title:
"Dot Com Special"
Parody Written by:
Wolverine
The Lyrics
Written for the new Ages contest, it does refer in a roundabout way to my request for Kristof to lend me his dating tips.
Done to the CD version, so if it doesn't match a youtube you find, sorry. :-(
Done to the CD version, so if it doesn't match a youtube you find, sorry. :-(
Take a good look at her, she can’t be real
She could have anyone, what is her deal
With those red pouty lips and come hither eyes
It’s really quite blatant that I’m reading profile lies
Don't click on “send”, brain worked too slow
You're in too deep you have to know
I want to be upbeat but I’m sensing romance woes
E-Harmony has fees
But my money is tight
I'm dating a dot com special
From Cupid’s site
It was a tease, oh please
Knew her picture was fake
It came through the door
Sat in the booth
And said his name was Jake
I needed a refund, both in currency and time
I might as well just give up, online dating’s such a crime
I go on searching ‘cause I, I trust in fate
I'm feelin' quite lucky and I want to find a mate
But I chose too fast, why did I go?
‘Cause she looked a little slow
Can’t break reservations
Now this dinner’s gonna blow
E-Harmony has fees
But my money is tight
I'm seeing a dot com special
From Match’s site
Came on a bus, oh [cuss]
It was yellow and short
She counted toothpicks
Licked some wall bricks
With therapist escort
They don’t want me and I know it
A good man with no chance to show it
So I’m dating gross refugees
Kristof won’t help me though I’m falling down on my knees
I need someone who is sane
Whether English, Spanish, or Dane
Need a woman, a real woman
Who won’t cut public cheese
Or my junk while I sleep
E-Harmony has fees
And I’m too poor to dance
I'm meeting a dot com special
Chemistry’s chance
Wearing latex, kotex
I will get it tonight
She’s menstrual and cruel
And wants to duel
I’ll be broken, tied tight
E-Harmony has fees
But my money is gone
…Dot com special…
She could have anyone, what is her deal
With those red pouty lips and come hither eyes
It’s really quite blatant that I’m reading profile lies
Don't click on “send”, brain worked too slow
You're in too deep you have to know
I want to be upbeat but I’m sensing romance woes
E-Harmony has fees
But my money is tight
I'm dating a dot com special
From Cupid’s site
It was a tease, oh please
Knew her picture was fake
It came through the door
Sat in the booth
And said his name was Jake
I needed a refund, both in currency and time
I might as well just give up, online dating’s such a crime
I go on searching ‘cause I, I trust in fate
I'm feelin' quite lucky and I want to find a mate
But I chose too fast, why did I go?
‘Cause she looked a little slow
Can’t break reservations
Now this dinner’s gonna blow
E-Harmony has fees
But my money is tight
I'm seeing a dot com special
From Match’s site
Came on a bus, oh [cuss]
It was yellow and short
She counted toothpicks
Licked some wall bricks
With therapist escort
They don’t want me and I know it
A good man with no chance to show it
So I’m dating gross refugees
Kristof won’t help me though I’m falling down on my knees
I need someone who is sane
Whether English, Spanish, or Dane
Need a woman, a real woman
Who won’t cut public cheese
Or my junk while I sleep
E-Harmony has fees
And I’m too poor to dance
I'm meeting a dot com special
Chemistry’s chance
Wearing latex, kotex
I will get it tonight
She’s menstrual and cruel
And wants to duel
I’ll be broken, tied tight
E-Harmony has fees
But my money is gone
…Dot com special…
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 5 | 7 | 6 | 6 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
Very appropriate song choice for the "Romance"/ "Dating" topic. Also a good idea on "The Dating World".
. . . Oh, these Knigts in Heat ! ! !
Classic R&B song, rarely see TLC get hit, and this in my opinion was their most impressive song because it showed their versitility, you wear it well Wolverine.
(Ages) Hypocrite. Your profile said you were 'athletic' and had wavy blonde hair! :D Brilliant chorus changes each time... "Came on a bus, oh [cuss]
It was yellow and short
She counted toothpicks
Licked some wall bricks
With therapist escort" and the latex/kotex moment was cringeworthingly hilarious.
Ages--I laughed out loud every time I read the actual "dot com special" lines...So funny to me. I really liked this!
(Ages) How DARE she not tell you she... *shudder*... actually... menstruates... this OS was sure a throwback, my mom and dad wouldn't let me listen to it. :-D I'm glad someone covered online dating in this round, and what a contender.
(Ages) I really hope I never have to resort to using one of thes online dating services. BUt then I'll actually have to be actively seeking a mate, which is unlikely. Anyway, interesting parody Wolverine, 555 for sure.
(Ages) I'd say this is one of the best I've read of yours...spot on pacing throughout (hard to make that slow tempo match, ain't it?) with great lines and buildups to punchlines.
(ages) nice pacing but some of the lines seemed random.
(Ages) Nice tune. Seemed clever, but it didn't really turn me on. 5-4-4.
(Ages) Having lived through the dot.com dating nightmare (and even written about it), I could definitely relate to this one. I'm very glad I haven't met Jake though :) Well done.
I can't divulge why I enjoyed your theme so much, but I did. Match.com works, how bout we leave it at that. Well done wolvie, especially liked 'I need someone who is sane/Whether English, Spanish, or Dane'
(Ages) Haven't heard TOS in so long, I can relate to this one, I do have to admit on the humor end you left a little on the table, but I was impressed with your choice to take on an unconventional song by AmIright standards.
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