Mom and Daddy were making me breakfast
When I was eight years old
They thought I'd like some nice hot bacon
Since outside it was cold
But I was feeling very sick
I guess they just couldn't tell
I had to stop myself from barfing
When I smelled that bacon smell

And I said, "Make me a pop-tart, make me oatmeal
A bowl of Lucky Charms
I need to eat something that's non-greasy
Oops, I cut off my arms
I'm a very sick girl
Ohh pleeeeeease, don't make me hurl"

Same old kitchen, same sweet bacon
Now I'm 16 years old
Bacon is now my favorite food
Unless it's uncooked and cold
Once I ate some awesome bacon
At the IHOP by K-Mart
But I'll never go to Denny's again
I wasn't very smart

They said, "Eat some chicken, eat some salad
Eat some crackers and soup
We stop serving bacon at 12
Oops, I just stepped in poop"
The smell made my eyes whirl
I said, "Pleeeeeease, don't make me hurl"

Same old Rhoda, I still like bacon
But now I'm really old
I've lost all my teeth and now I
Can't eat much bacon, I'm told
Grandkids want to cook for me
They say, "Our food will be great"
But I know that I'm gonna puke
From just one look at the plate

They said, "This is spinach, this is bacon
This is mac and cheese
This is stuff that we made from old mayonaisse
Hey, the dog gave us fleas"
They're such dumb boys and girls
Ohh pleeeeease, don't make me hurl