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Song Parodies -> "Sleep When Wed"

Original Song Title:

"Be Prepared"

Original Performer:

The Lion King

Parody Song Title:

"Sleep When Wed"

Parody Written by:

Nib Oswald

The Lyrics http://www.sexisforf* come on, you 'wiggerdly wacked' teens! Chastity is the truly 'phlabby' and 'terminally-ill' thing to do wit' yo 'pips' when hangin' in da 'cinity'!
[spoken:] These evil hoardes of teens aint prudential.
Get nude more than streakers? Refrain!
Salacious, they aint livin' reverential.
They decide being virgins is lame!

[sung:] Ignore all the "how-to's of prevention?
Oh, I bet you've been taught from sex guides!
Your schools issue out contraception.
For kids act like husbands "n' wives.

It's clear from your weekend emissions,
And nights in the backs of old cars.
That you f***ing kids know positions,
Rarely thought up by hardcore porn stars!

Underwear-velcro-straps just to save time.
See more bare butts from friends than from zoos!
Your smile in the mirror,
Shows lip gonorrhea.
"Down there, it is itchin'!"
Oh, quit with yer bitchin'!
You think that's sheer torture?
Wait til you pass water!
Little sluts, you deserve what you ooze!

When you rush sex, then syphilis is spread!
Sleep when wed!

"Sleep when wed? Say what?"
After wedding and ring!
"Ring? Is it licked?"
No, you tool! Monogamy living. No bimbos, fool!
"Lame idea. Who needs a ring?"
No twins? No rims? What about bananas?"
Liber-teens! It's a duty thing!
"Just use one bed?"
Right! But no flings hitched you'll be and you'll never have orgies again.
"What? Please be joking!"

"Why wait? Honeymoons seem so distant
When we use schooling sports time to score."
Such whores! Kid-ho-pros, concupiscent!
You take Human Studies too far!

The schoolyard is littered with hymens.
You're all such no-brained undressees!
Restrain all your lustful first-timings,
And wait 'til you're hitched de-vout-ly!

Don't be rash... you'll end up rather pimply.
Keep that pash above waist level, ma'am! ("Ohhh!")
Testicular burning? ("Weals and wounds!")
Your pessary hurting? ("Where's the lube?")
Degrading, your wiles. ("In backseats!")
You self-paedophiles! ("Friends and 'mates'!")
Like shrubs you're 'uprooted', ("Ahhh!")
Infected, polluted, ("Aargh!")
Get neutered or follow my plan! ("What?")

Under sheets for some friction? Not yet!
Sleep when wed!
"Stay unsheathed til we're hitched: germ-free bed!
Sleep when wed!!!"
"Cherry Ripe- the big cherry taste."

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   2
 5   16

User Comments

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Rick C - September 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Well said, Luke...555
Kristof Robertson - September 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Wonderful piece of writing, Luke!!! 555
Steven Cavanagh - September 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Worked for me. 5s just for the Quid pro quo line.
Phil Alexander - September 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Truly awesome - this is a bitch of a song to do (I have considered doing a "Be Prepared - carry a condom" sort of parody, but didn't come up with enough to carry it through... so to speak), and there's some lovely rhythmic rhyming (mirror/gonorrhea made me grin). Excellent stuff :-)
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - September 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Well commented, Rick. Thanks Kristof, Steven and Phil!
EmiLoca - September 24, 2005 - Report this comment
"The schoolyard is littered with hymens"

I. Am. Not. Worthy.
M!KEY - October 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Agrimorfee - October 10, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Dammit, Luke, you just my rankings harder to do...I dare you to continue this theme with "Hakuna Matata", BTW. 555
Adagio - October 12, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Good one, Luke. : D
Kristof Robertson - October 20, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This gets better the more I read it, Luke. Fab job!!!
Stuart McArthur - October 21, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) concupiscent? gee, you're a wonder, Luke - edgy as always - when are you going to do a nice ol sweet 'n innocent piece? - never I hope - great job, wombat
Your Worst Nightmare - October 22, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - Fives!
Chris H. - October 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Hilarious , and Excellent Pacing! Some of the topics make you want to spu your lunch , but hey , isn't that what makes parodying so much fun. Only one parody , but what a parody , 5's all around!
Peter Andersson - October 23, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - Here’s a joke, the most profound one I know, ehhh, so to say

: Q: Anna has condyloma, Bea has syphilis and Cloe has gonorrhoea. They all wanna have sex with David, who has AIDS, and only two condoms. How can he possibly give it to all three of them without any of them catching anything new?
A: First he puts on both condoms and give it to Anna. Then he takes of the outer condom and gives it Bea. Then he flips the first condom inside out and turns it back on top of the inner one again and gives it Cloe!

Rubik’s Cube " Ha! " It ain’t got nothing on teenage concupiscence! - October 23, 2005 - Report this comment
Your parodies are always bursting at the seams with more ideas and plays on words than the OS's ever meant to provide the space for. Not that that's a bad thing; it just requires the reader to focus intently so as not to miss stuff, and yet the reader (at least this one) probably will miss stuff anyway. Fave parts: the "positions" bit, "You take Human Studies too far," and, most of all, "liber-teens." Also, I first discovered the word "concupiscent" in the Wallace Stevens poem "The Emperor of Ice-Cream" and I've loved it ever since. You get bonus points for using it.
Dominic L. - October 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Very funny! Nice rhyming/pacing too!
Red Ant - October 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Many great lines in here Luke, funny websites you included at the top as well.
wannabemustangjockey - October 27, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh. My. God! This has to be one of the most .... scarring and yet hilarious parodies I've seen in a long time. Good job corrupting a family movie favorite!
Larry Hensley - October 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Good one
Johnny D - October 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Oh, something tells me Luke thinks you're QUITE worthy, Emi. Good job, Luke.
Rick C - October 30, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) What Kristof said, "wonderful piece of writing".
Claude Prez - October 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Don't remember the original too well, I had Skippy in my ears every time I watched the movie. But very impressive; hey, wait -- "uprooted"? Heh heh. Very clever stuff as always.
Arwen - October 31, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM...finally you do an OS that I can follow...; ) Very funny stuff, here, Luke...=)
Tim Mayfield - October 31, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Don't be rash pretty much sums it up, er don't get a rash or something like that. 5's
2nz - November 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Always well-written, Luke. Too bad how the college setting can teach 'em the exact opposite. And what everyone else said.
MysteryGoat - November 01, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Good song.

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