My gal’s a Neat Freak yeah she loves to clean
This wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t messy
Five times she vacuumed the floor
Uses those feather dusters as weapons against me
While I lounge in the living room
This plastic couch cover’s her fault and is my doom
Left a plate in the kitchen sink
You’ll break both my legs if I leave it dirty

Flushed it down to make it not stink
That’s not what I think
If I don’t my lungs are in the trash can
This crazy bitch is a witch if I don’t keep the front lawn snipped
I think she’ll kill me
So I’m out there on the John Deere, man!
Or she’ll start sobbing when she spots grime
Like it’s a big crime
(But this Bipolar chick’s cute)
Wears a Mini-Skirt but needs to press it
But she’d get stressed, shit, if she irons another hole through
Gonna clean her jeans still steamed obscene
And when they sheen they’re keen
She’s the germ killer and she’s called the “Windex Savior”
Our windows glow, but I’m a shmo
Cause I will throw old food onto the flo’
The old days were so odorous
But nowadays I’ll need an undertaker

When we’re in bed and I talk dirty she tells me to go and take a bath
When I track mud into the house she’ll attack my calves
I’m the kind of guy who craps in a urinal
You haven’t seen that South Park scene?
Well, It’s true here
I have the tendency to wipe my nose on my sleeve
My gal’s in misery, because I’m full of dirt

Yeah she’s a Neat Freak, as it’s plain to see
Sprayed some Glade in my hair
Because I’m stinky
Five times you have shackled me
To use an old sock to try your washing
You’ve spent 3 days in our one bathroom
You realized I messed your walls
With toothpaste and shampoo
I’m your biggest grievance, see
Because when I just sit back and nap you yell, “You’re Lazy!”

Polished your china cause the pot roast’s stickin’
I tried to cook once now the charcoal thickens
She covers them in Dial and she shines them
She sander grinds them
Now they sparkle clean cause they’re done
Then she’s cleaning out my Ford until it’s spotless
My trunk was toxic
And seats were impossible to purify
Like Mr. Clean she has the mad skills
Can clean up all of my spills
And she can do it in three seconds times
She makes my whole apartment full of suds
The soapy water makes all the floors flood
So she can mop it and then take and out all of the mud wring
I really like to snooze till afternoon
Covers are strewn and she is rude in the morning
Throws me so she can fix the beddings

I try to dress nice, but you say I’m filthy wearing that
You’re not much into style, it still looks bad
Cause there on my tie is stains from my Taco Melt
I need to go change or obscene
Things are dealt
I’ve a dependency to get way drunk until I heave
My entire body is covered in dirt

She’s a Neat Freak and broke up with me
Made a mess too many times
And then she left me
Now flies fill my living room and dead
Opossums lie there and raccoons rummaged my fridge, dude
Blind dates all have said they’ll sue
When I tried to get them in the sack
And choked on deadly fumes
Yesterday you split up with me
But already my whole house looks like a trash heap

But already a few bats have died in my chimney

But already the mold’s chewing holes in my Chevy

A Subway sandwich that’s full of salami