(I don't know if you can, but can you remember Punky Brewster?
Yeah, Soleil Moon Frye. She's in a dark, dirty alley,
All the windows are busted, and it's like a free-for-all in here,
And uh, there's 65 men in the alley with her right now!)*

Where are they now? I ask what do you think?
Please tell me you don't think they all turned to drugs and drink
I was sittin' in a cafe, just havin' fun
When someone told me rumors about Marie Fredriksson

In case you don't know, she was in Roxette
They said she went from "Listen to Your Heart" to the trash set
She bought 10 pounds of cocaine, entire
After she turned her Stockholm house into a structure fire

Not for a minute did I believe that
Nowhere on the Internet does it say that crap
I'd like to say it on a PA
That she's nothing like Charlie Sheen, people, is that OK?

(Call fire at the girl from Roxette's house,
It's, ah, it's flaming up good
The girl who sang "It Must Have Been Love"
Did THIS? Oh, the price of fame!)*

When I returned to my house to forget everything
It dawned on me that I hadn't watched South Park some time
So I watched "Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow" now
Episode began with some Punky Brewster lowdown
After lies, backstabbing and whoring herself out for cash
She was with 65 men at once like some trailer trash
Then I went in a store with my mother
I saw Punky DVDs, and then looked up the real stuff
Truth is she's got two children
Truth is she's running a boutique
She's no common street whore
But if you look at the lies
It isn't about Charlie Sheen
It's bout this f**ked up situation and f**ked up Hollywood
It's about coming up and staying on top
And if you can't manage to, then you'll automatically fall
It's not written on the papers, it's word of mouth
Word on the streets?
Spreading all around!

(Units- Units be advised of an attempt to arrest Robbie Nevil. Yes, the guy who sang "C'est la Vie" just beat up some 15-year-old girl in the parking lot of the Old Spaghetti Factory!)*

Make it stop
Wanna make it stop
Wanna make it stop
Wanna wanna make it stop

Rumors about that chick from Roxette
Whoa, rumors about that Punky Brewster
About Robbie Nevil
The mom from Carrie (and Harley Jane Kozak)
Rumors about Weekend at Bernie's (he's the one who had to play a dead body)
Lex Murphy from Jurassic Park (the Karate Kid)
Sweet Valley High girls (Bozo the Clown)
Iraheta (Kajagoogoo, let's do this every year)
Squeeze and the Escape Club (twice a year)
Jeremy Jordan
Roger Taylor, drummer from Queen (make it stop, make it stop)
And Robert Plant (oh, yeah make it stop, won't cha won't cha make it stop)
Wang Chung, both the guys, Bill and Ted, all the Wonder Years kids, Frankie Avalon, DJ from Full House, and even Brian May!