Food imitates the act of sex
You can spice it up or do it bland
And if chilis are the things you like the best
You can eat 'em raw, cooked or sometimes even canned

It's easy to set your poor mouth on fire
Depends on how hot you wanna try
You've got to have milk or bread if you perspire
Now we're in the produce aisle to buy

CHORUS:

Nagas are stronger
Cayennes are much longer, thin and lean-o
You might like the Peter
'Cause it's got a naughty wiener shape

I'm a connoisseur of the hotter things in life
I'll try 'em if they're yellow, red, or green-oh
I love every pepper but my favorite is the ol' Jalapeño ('lapeño!)

If you're the type that's fond of a good jerk
You will need a Scotch Bonnet too
That's a pepper hot enough to work
And then you know before long you'll be jerkin' it real soon

There's one that is called the Cherry Bomb
I wonder if the Coug is a fan
You could try Poblano or maybe Serrano
Or just buy Aleppos in a can

CHORUS

I know it's not a wise thing to do
Put so much innuendo in a song
But I find it very hard not to do
I've got a Big Jim here that's over thirteen inches long

Ready to get sweaty? Try a Bhut Jolokia
A Trinidad Scorpion, and then a 7-Pot, oh my!
You don't have to go to Colorado, little guy
After all it isn't THAT kind of a high

Chocolate Habañero
Devil's Tongue
Try a tiny li'l Cumari
Or a really big bland ol' Bell
Ají?

We pepperheads are all addicted to (spicy chili peppers)
Italian Sweets don't give us any fix (they're just silly peppers)
Hey, just try every kind, once you're hooked, you're hooked for life

You must be a special kind of man to appreciate Madame Jeanette
Savor her as smoothly as you can
And don't you put her fire out just yet

CHORUS

I love every pepper but my favorite is the ol' Jalapeño ('lapeño!)
I love every pepper but my favorite is the ol'
Jalapeño