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Song Parodies -> "Hair Metal Ain't Wack"

Original Song Title:

"Baby Got Back"

Original Performer:

Sir Mix Alot

Parody Song Title:

"Hair Metal Ain't Wack"

Parody Written by:

Cal Thomas

The Lyrics

A disturbing look into the mind of a hair metal/glam rock junkie.
[Metalhead #1}
Oh my god, dude, listen to this song.
It is so sweet!

[Metalhead #2]
It sounds like a cross between Poison n' the Crue.

[Metalhead #1]
Dudethat shit is wailin' man.

[Metalhead #2]
This is way better then that pussy Rolling Stones shit, man.

[Metalhead #1]
I know man
Bon Jovi forever!

[Metalhead #2]
Dude, shut the hell up.
We may like hair metal-
But it's still not cool to like Bon Jovi.

[Metalhead #1]
Man, I don't think it's ever gonna be cool to like Bon Jovi :(

I like hair metal and I cannot lie.
All you other rockers can't deny.
Cause when Poison hit the scene with make up on their face-
And draped in silk n' lace,
You got hooked.
Started wearin' a dress,
Teased your hair up so it was a mess.
The radio got Warrant blarin'-
Spandex Axl Rose was wearin'
Oh, hell no, draped in tight leather,
Hope W.A.S.P can stay together.
My friends all tried to warn me,
It's still not cool-
To like Bon Jovi
Ooh, who needs Van Halen,
When you got Twisted Sister and the Crue?
Hair Metal diet, you should try it (it's ok if you don't like Quiet Riot.)

I like Cinderella.
Are they girls or fellas?
I don't know, that's low, I think I'll start listenin' to Skid Row.

I'm tired of rock n' roll,
And music with some soul.
See, you ain't a real man less you listen to Ratt.
Hair Metal is gonna come back, so

Fellas (yeah), fellas (yeah)
When you hear Def Leppard do you bust a nut? (hell yeah)
Head bangin', bangin', bangin', bangin', head bangin' that mullet hair.
Hair Metal ain't wack.

(LA Guns, Europe and Dokken)

Hair Metal ain't wack

Gotta have hair long and big,
Can't be wearin' no wig-
If you are then you're a phony.
And you gotta have a guitar solo,
Or you're sissy-er then Bono.

I remember Nirvana-
And ugh, double ugh, ugh, ugh
Don't wanna hear no Grunge, man.
Cause' that shit is really depress-an.
I need a song that's real loud and cheesy.
Gotta find that sleazy band,
Bringing glam back to the land.
Cause the 90's didn't go as planned.
I remember those rock videos,
Macho guys walkin' round in pantyhose.
You can have your 50 Cent.
I'll keep my Poison and my Warrant.
A word to the real metalheads-
Rockin' out on guitar,
Worse then Pat Benatar.
But I gotta be straight when I say I'm gonna blast Whitesnake,
Til the break of dawn.
Dude, I got it goin' on.
A lot of wimps won't like this song,
Them sissies like to listen to Elton John.
But I'd rather stay and play.
The Scorpions, or Warlock.
God damn, Savatage can rock

So ladies (yeah), ladies (yeah)
You girls all rockin' out to Vixen? (yeah)
I'm a grown man,
But this is still my scene.
Who cares if I look like a drag queen?
Hair Metal ain't wack!

Hair Metal ain't wack!

Yeah, dude
When it comes to music, man-
MTV ain't got shit to do with my selection.
This Nu-Metal crap really makes me sick.
Where's the spandex pants?

So my girlfriend likes Clay Aiken,
I can feel my heart just breakin'.
She says Hair Metal is wack and it ain't never comin' back (fuck that!)
My ears can't take no more pain I need Motley Crue to keep me sane.
You can keep your Eminem's man, and you can play your Britney Spears.
But if you make me listen to another pop song-
I'm gonna rip out my god damn ears!
White lion, and Winger,
Firehouse can no longer linger.
Some kids say Vince Neil is fat,
Well I ain't down with that.
Cause he may be old but he's still kickin'
Mick Mars is still guitar lickin'.
To the “hardcore” bands in kerrang! magazine,
Slipknot still sucks!
Give me some Tesla and I'll say hell ya,
Great White and Danger Danger.
King Kobra a metalhead wouldn't miss,
Faster Pussycat is on my list.
Some say that Hair Metal is so shallow,
The 80's are over so throw in the towel.
But it doesn't matter what they say,
Let'em have their Fred Durst and Green Day.
Cause' one day you'll see a Poison comeback, got an 80's metal attack,
Hair Metal ain't wack!
Apologies to the hair metal bands I left out. Enjoy this fluffball parody.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

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 5   3

User Comments

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Cal Thomas - March 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Where are the hair metal fans/critics? Come on people!
Red Ant - March 19, 2005 - Report this comment
545, I think you got most all the hair metal bands. You get "bonus" points from me for a laborious song to write as well.

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

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