(Well kids, there it is! San Bernardino!")
There's a rotten town I know called San Bernardino
I suggest you plug your nose 'til you get to Chino (beef cows moo)
It's the kind of place that makes a king feel like a bum
And makes a bum leave his dumpster to make room for the king
("Look! It's The 'E' Street Monster!")
("People puke when they see me!")
It's against the law to smile in San Bernardino
Everything looks just like downtown
Where the best that you'll see is Court Street and "E", yeah
Once you get a whiff of it, you'll want to leave this place
And punch the mayor, hard, right square in the face!

There's a lot of things to do in San Bernardino
You can blow all your hard-earned dough at San Manuel Casino
Here's the kind of place where you'd want to rent a room
Next door is Patton State Hospital, home for the criminally insane
("Look! It's Frank Hofius!")
("I drop my pants in front of kids!")
You can tour the first "McDonalds," it's now a museum
They don't serve five-cent hamburgers
But you'll learn "Mickey Dee's" is across the street! Yeah
All you need is to bathe in shit and you'll smell like everyone
And going to court to see the judge is what we do for fun

It's polite to piss outside in San Bernardino
The sewage flows from Arrorwhead, so may God have pity
Route Sixty-Six, the "Rendezvous" is by Carousel Mall
They closed the stores, but now it's home to the local gangs
("Look! It's the East Side Crips!")
("Gimme your wallet or die, n*gga")
I wouldn't stay out late at night in this whole damn city
The corrupt cops will harass you
They'll put you in jail while they drink a coctail, yeah
Soon you'll get enough of it, this armpit catacomb
It's San Bernardino and Highland, yeah,
It's San Bernardino, this cauldron is shitty
It's San Bernardino, my home, sweet nasty home!
("San Bernardino! Burn!")