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Song Parodies -> "San Bernardino"

Original Song Title:

"Capitol City"

Original Performer:

Simpsons

Parody Song Title:

"San Bernardino"

Parody Written by:

Diseased Minds

The Lyrics

Oh, that swingin' town of Capitol City, where Homer Simpson failed as a mascot for the Capitol City Capitols. (Dancing Homer, 2nd season, 7F05) Tony Bennett sings a beautiful jazzy song, fit only for washed up artists who permanently adorn the stages at Las Vegas casinos. Though the song is catchy, it could be better, or worse, depending on the place you're singing about. I wrote this for the town I lived in, when I wrote it in 2006; the armpit of San Bernardino, California. Yeah, where they had that terrorist shooting on December 2, 2015. What a crappy place. Enough for me to change the lyrics of Billy Joel's "You're My Home" from "High up in the hills of California" to "Down in the dumpsters of San Ber'dino" which I love singing aloud, out here in Los Angeles where I currently reside. Writing about that town was easy to do, and I wrote several verses of it, even thought the Simpsons' version only had one verse.
(Well kids, there it is! San Bernardino!")
There's a rotten town I know called San Bernardino
I suggest you plug your nose 'til you get to Chino (beef cows moo)
It's the kind of place that makes a king feel like a bum
And makes a bum leave his dumpster to make room for the king
("Look! It's The 'E' Street Monster!")
("People puke when they see me!")
It's against the law to smile in San Bernardino
Everything looks just like downtown
Where the best that you'll see is Court Street and "E", yeah
Once you get a whiff of it, you'll want to leave this place
And punch the mayor, hard, right square in the face!

There's a lot of things to do in San Bernardino
You can blow all your hard-earned dough at San Manuel Casino
Here's the kind of place where you'd want to rent a room
Next door is Patton State Hospital, home for the criminally insane
("Look! It's Frank Hofius!")
("I drop my pants in front of kids!")
You can tour the first "McDonalds," it's now a museum
They don't serve five-cent hamburgers
But you'll learn "Mickey Dee's" is across the street! Yeah
All you need is to bathe in shit and you'll smell like everyone
And going to court to see the judge is what we do for fun

It's polite to piss outside in San Bernardino
The sewage flows from Arrorwhead, so may God have pity
Route Sixty-Six, the "Rendezvous" is by Carousel Mall
They closed the stores, but now it's home to the local gangs
("Look! It's the East Side Crips!")
("Gimme your wallet or die, n*gga")
I wouldn't stay out late at night in this whole damn city
The corrupt cops will harass you
They'll put you in jail while they drink a coctail, yeah
Soon you'll get enough of it, this armpit catacomb
It's San Bernardino and Highland, yeah,
It's San Bernardino, this cauldron is shitty
It's San Bernardino, my home, sweet nasty home!
("San Bernardino! Burn!")

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