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Song Parodies -> "Resolutions"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Savage Garden

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics's been forever since I last submitted! I've been...busy ;-). Anyways, I hope you all had a cool Christmas- now's the time to start thinking about those pointless New Year's resolutions, Here are a few of mine....the original tune.
I resolve to spend less time at work on Facebook and YouTube
I resolve to not become obsessed with Katy Perry's boobs
I resolve to leave my balls alone when out on public streets
I resolve to (possibly) once ev'ry month change my bedsheets!
I resolve to not buy any Coldplay CDs on a whim
I resolve to tell my boss exactly what I think of him!

I resolve to give up porn (at least the stuff that makes me squirm)
I resolve to exercise until my butt is nice and firm
I resolve to not eat microwave burritos for a snack
I resolve to run when my true love offers to wax my back!

I resolve to concentrate when my wife talks about her day
I resolve to never put her shoe collection on eBay
I resolve to not lock myself out of my house when I'm drunk
I resolve to not convince myself that all my pants have "shrunk"
I resolve to not buy 50 cans of beans coz they're on sale
I resolve to not refer to making love as "gettin' tail"...

I resolve to join the mile-high club on transatlantic flight
I resolve to not attend another karaoke night
I resolve to keep my lunch down when on rollercoaster rides
I resolve to not laugh when small children fall off playground slides

[INSTRUMENTAL while I think up some more]

I resolve to mow the lawn on Sundays when the sun is out
I resolve to figure out what Donnie Darko's all about
I resolve to not be smug when cheating at Monopoly
I resolve to not give one damn cent to Scientology!

I resolve to not resort to Rogaine if I lose my hair
I resolve to fly to Vegas; try to get on stage with Cher
I resolve to get a job that doesn't make me want to weep
I resolve to sleep with Beyonce, and not get any sleep!

I resolve to not take up two spaces when I park my Ford
I resolve to not chase Mormons round the block when I get bored
And because I'm so darn honest, this will be my final word:
I resolve to break all promises by January Third!!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   13

User Comments

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Jeff Reuben - December 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Good to see you back, hope this means more songs are on the way from you! Nice job with this one...Happy New Year...but don't be too strict on the Katy Perry resolution :)
Agrimorfee - December 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Welcome back, strange but no stranger! The beauty of a Kristof Robinson parody is you don't necessarily need to hear/know the OS to enjoy it...same here. (if yer back, my SOTM chances have well, still love ya.) 555
Matthias - December 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Wow... It's been ages hasn't it. I can't even remember the last time I've seen you around. Anywho.. This was pretty great I always liked the original song, and that last line was a hoot. Great stuff my friend.
alvin - December 30, 2008 - Report this comment
lol...sounds as if you'll be very busy next year
Arwen - December 30, 2008 - Report this comment
"I resolve to not laugh when small children fall off playground slides" is pretty iffy. I wouldn't be able to pull it off. And you realize that trying to figure Donnie Darko out...means that you'd have to watch it...repeatedly...right? It was hard enough for me the one time. My brain was sore for a week.

Long story short...setting yourself up for failure is never a good idea...; ) Excellent work from my long lost S.A.B. = )
AFW - December 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Good to see ya' back, Kristof....a New Years hat and a horn of plenty full of funny and creative resolutions, here..especially liked, "Sleep with Beyonce, and not get any sleep"..fits right into my own realm of fantasies...Happy New Year, to ya'
Welcome Back! (Jason) - December 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Hey Kristof! Welcome back mate! Where have you been all this time? Great to see your new parody up to your usual high standards. A well earned 555s for you!
MasonR - December 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Hey Kristof! Y'know, I was thinking about writing "where have you gone, Mr. Robertson" the other day 'cause I hadn't seen one of your masterpieces in ages. Welcome back and I'm glad to see you haven't lost your brilliant touch. I resolve to give you 555s!
MrMacphisto - December 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Welcome back... 5-5-5
LittleCougarTail - December 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Lord Kristof, '" Duke o'Get -N-Tail " this write is definitely >CABO-WABO< award worthy, Sir ! Happy New Year, and may all your parodies look fine in 2 0 0 9.
Stuart McArthur - December 30, 2008 - Report this comment
gee, am I the first to say "welcome back" - *takes closer look*, guess not - there's no truer evidence of the respect you have around here KR - and as for this laughfest, I just read it out aloud to my wife and she cacked herself - no greater compliment - 555
Kristof Robertson - December 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Awww...thanks muchly Jeff, Ag, Matty, al Arwen, AFW, Jase, Mason, mac, LCT and of course Stu. It feels good to be writing again, and to have the old gang checking my stuff out. I hope to be writing a LOT more in 09...cheers!!
TJC - January 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Brilliant... the Lexecutioner commeth, er, returneth!
Phil Alexander - January 05, 2009 - Report this comment

...I only have one this year: I resolve not to make any NY resolutions.


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