(spoken):
He is the uncontrollable being
who's from a distant land called Connecticut

(sung):
Distant cousin

(spoken):
Whatta ya doin' now, cuz?
Whatta ya doin' now, cuz?

(verse one):
Real greasy hair
and no sense of fashion
and pocket protector
so pens will not fall out
Plays violin
and double bass cello
He's got bad flat feet
military's out

(chorus):
Get away
I do mean it
You're just a
distant cousin
Noone wants
you nomore, man
You're just a
a distant cousin

(spoken):
Whatta ya doin' now, cuz?
Does this really break, cuz? *glass shatters*

(verse two):
Just go outside
let me get my shotgun
Put that apple there
no, that is way up too high
Do not sway, my aim
is not too good these days
So, do please stay still
do not make a sound

(chorus):
Get away
I do mean it
You're just a
distant cousin
Noone wants
you nomore, man
You're just a
a distant cousin

(spoken):
Ow, it really does hurt, cuz

(verse three):
Eats his food
with his Darth Vader voice
Likes Frodo, Sam
thinks Gandalf's real
Takes vitamins
and albuterol, man
So confusing
he is a dweeb

(chorus):
Get away
I do mean it
You're just a
distant cousin
Noone wants
you nomore, man
You're just a
a distant cousin

(chorus):
Pays attention
to everything
Likes to repeat
a distant cousin
Pays attention
to everything
Likes to repeat
a distant cousin