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Song Parodies -> "Using My New Kitchen"

Original Song Title:

"Losing My Religion"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Using My New Kitchen"

Parody Written by:

Leo Keough

The Lyrics

Oh, my first dinner
It's dinner for two
And we both foresee
The tension I will go through
Insisting, "I'll still try"
Oh no, you call my bluff
I stoop to crawl...

That's me with the chowder
That's me with the crock pot
Using my new kitchen
Trying to heat up some soup
And I don't know what I am doin'
Oh no, the hen's too tough
I haven't spent enough

I fought with the urge for snacking
I fought with the urge to drink
I think I sought to squat and cry

Every mixture (of)
Ev'ry grain of flour
Confusing, these directions
Dying to heave a pie at you
While I search for my dicing tool, drool
Oh no, the pastry puffs
They start to fall

The jitters crest
The littered mess hints of my misery
The bitter stress drips
Like coffee mixed with tea - wail:
"What if all these recipes
just fail to astound?"
And now my dread's too much

I thought that my nerve was cracking
I thought that I'd curse and slink
The drink I sought was strong and dry

That was just Jim Beam
That was just obscene

That's me on a bender
That's me and I'm crocked, tight
Bruising my new dishes
Trying to heal cups with glue
And I'm too stoned to bind and fuse 'em
Oh no, I've stained my cuff
My damsel's in a huff...

I coughed as I stirred from napping
I balked as you turned to wink
I think I caught the thoughts you sighed:

"That was just a dream"
"My guy, why cry?"
"You're my chef supreme"
"Just extreme, such cuisine, cream..."

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   17

User Comments

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Wendy Christopher - October 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Awww, bless your heart - maybe you should just get a takeaway :^) Your cooking skills may be a bit ropey, but your parody skills are definitely worth a 555.
Timmy1000 - October 28, 2009 - Report this comment
When is your next dinner party, Leo? Make sure you nap.
John Barry - October 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Great job. Much better than the OS.
Tommy Turtle - October 28, 2009 - Report this comment
What John Barry said. Another fine twist on an inane OS. 555
Johnny D - October 28, 2009 - Report this comment
What Tommy Turtle said.
blackjack21 - October 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Never use a blender when you're on a bender. Oh, and what Johnny D said.
Fiddlegirl - October 28, 2009 - Report this comment
What Blackjack21 said.... (The peer pressure's just too great!!!) ;)
TJC - October 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Too funny... loved the whole enchilada!
Christie Marie M - October 28, 2009 - Report this comment
I've enjoyed cooking parodies! You forgot to mention "bring a stomach ready to be filled" on your comments! LOL!!! Be sure to invite some guests....555 of 'em!
TT @ TJC - October 28, 2009 - Report this comment
For breaking the chain letter, you shall be cursed with seven years of bad luck! (Dincha read what FG said about what ... > ..... ?) (j/k!)
Leo Keough - October 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks all!!!...But I think I'll have to penalize some of you for repetitive choruses!!!
Mark Scotti - November 03, 2009 - Report this comment
ABC Classically "cooked" up idea for a parody, Leo!!! Enjoyed it lots...
Guy - November 09, 2009 - Report this comment

Leo - Just a word to the wise - "If you can't stand the heat stay out of the kitchen". =;-) Delicious parody. This one ereally cooks.
Agrimorfee - November 13, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) So sorry i never read this one...this was hysterical...every line rhymed to the original, as if they were meant to be there. Great job!
bobpiecheese - November 14, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC5) I don't know what the last four lines were trying to convey, but the rest of the parody was brilliant. 555 for sure!
Stuart McArthur - November 16, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) wow, just excellent - I've tried many times to parody this and failed - tricky pacing - but you nailed it (sure knocked my abandoned "Losing My Best Pigeon" into a cocked hat) and funny to boot - great stuff Leo - 555
Matthias - November 16, 2009 - Report this comment
I've been there before far too many times... I can't cook for squat and almost burnt down my apartment 3 times in the last month!
Below Average Dave - November 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Fun parody of this one, I've read a number of "Losing My Religion" parodies, it's a deserving target--cool.
Melanie Lee - November 16, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) Take song, strain out old words, mix in new words, add 5 cups of flour, 5 cups of milk, 5 eggs...
Red Ant - November 16, 2009 - Report this comment
The first OS this round I know by heart - excellent work, Leo. You ought to record this one. 555
Guy - January 08, 2015 - Report this comment
Leo - Is the thirsty Thursday still on the menu? I may have found what I needed to try to get back, if you will recall some email message exchanges we had a few months back. There is a hint here somewhere between the lines. Ciao, Paesano.

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