Song Parodies -> Valentine's Sucks (Cupid's Lament)
| Original Song Title: | "Everything Sucks" |
| Original Performer: | Reel Big Fish |
| Parody Song Title: | "Valentine's Sucks (Cupid's Lament)" |
| Parody Written by: | Matthias |
Changed a few minor things from the original to make this even better for the Decathlon: Mark 2 contest....
I’m a huge nerd
Get no dates
It’s frickin’ absurd
That I’m even worse than that Bill f*cking Gates
The very worst thing about this though
Is that I’m the main man, I run this show
Shoot myself, but that just hurts like heck
Beth said she loved me cause I got her a guy
Screw this job
You’d think I’d get a try, but no way…
I’m gonna quit, because…
I know Valentine's Sucks (Yeah!)
I know Valentine's Sucks (Woah-ho-ho)
I know Valentine's Sucks
And this is gonna be the last year
If I don’t get laid
Used to help out
With my bow
And I made passion flair
Like an expensive ho
(Ritzy Ho!)
But, man, nowadays I’m so f*cking bored
Every jack-*ss I hit is so quickly adored
I can’t get *ss so
I’m giving up this job
I don’t know why I’m the love archer
But it’s time for my departure
Cause I’m done…
I’m handing off my reins
I know Valentine's Sucks (Yeah)
I know Valentine's Sucks (Woah-oh-oh)
I know Valentine's Sucks
For sex you’ll need flowers and time
I’m done with this game
I said “Screw This”
Left my wings and slippers, running
Santa’s workshop
Or go aid the Easter Bunny
Cause I am too jealous
Of all these other fellas
They adore
Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!
Cause!
I’m gone…
Valentine's Sucks!
Bad!
I left…
Valentine's Sucks!
Ha-a-ard!
Vamous
Valentine's Sucked!
Much!
There’s never gonna be a next time
Till I reach third base!
Get no dates
It’s frickin’ absurd
That I’m even worse than that Bill f*cking Gates
The very worst thing about this though
Is that I’m the main man, I run this show
Shoot myself, but that just hurts like heck
Beth said she loved me cause I got her a guy
Screw this job
You’d think I’d get a try, but no way…
I’m gonna quit, because…
I know Valentine's Sucks (Yeah!)
I know Valentine's Sucks (Woah-ho-ho)
I know Valentine's Sucks
And this is gonna be the last year
If I don’t get laid
Used to help out
With my bow
And I made passion flair
Like an expensive ho
(Ritzy Ho!)
But, man, nowadays I’m so f*cking bored
Every jack-*ss I hit is so quickly adored
I can’t get *ss so
I’m giving up this job
I don’t know why I’m the love archer
But it’s time for my departure
Cause I’m done…
I’m handing off my reins
I know Valentine's Sucks (Yeah)
I know Valentine's Sucks (Woah-oh-oh)
I know Valentine's Sucks
For sex you’ll need flowers and time
I’m done with this game
I said “Screw This”
Left my wings and slippers, running
Santa’s workshop
Or go aid the Easter Bunny
Cause I am too jealous
Of all these other fellas
They adore
Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!
Cause!
I’m gone…
Valentine's Sucks!
Bad!
I left…
Valentine's Sucks!
Ha-a-ard!
Vamous
Valentine's Sucked!
Much!
There’s never gonna be a next time
Till I reach third base!
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User Comments Follow...
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This is the updated version, rhyme scheme's better, pacing better, it's funnier... There are a few things I would still do to improve it, but this was better than yesterday's.
Ah, I see now what you were trying to convey, compared to yesterday's submission!
I'll repeat yesterday's vote. 555
Loved the "archer/departure" couplet.
(Dec 2.0) So, I'm guessing it sucks? ;) Excellent write, Matthias, and you get kudos for using one of the two ska bands I'm familiar with.
(dec2.5) yeah, Valentines has always sucked, Matty - as you say, everyone knows the true purpose of Valentines is to GET LAID! Half the population just don't seem to get it (both meanings) - 555
Nice angle...I guess I'd never thought about poor single Cupid. It kind of reminds me of those poor "I love you as a friend" guys who can never catch a break...; )
DEC- Poor Cupid, always the bride's maid but never the bride. I've spent too many Valentine's days single to agree with it sucking. But now that I'm married... it's just another day I have to buy flowers for the wife. Well done, Matthias.
What, Mikey - you buy flowers for the wife on Valentine's day? Complain enough about the overcommercialization for long enough, and she won't even expect that ;-)
Anyway, Matti... I agree, it's a hideous time of the year.
Anyway, Matti... I agree, it's a hideous time of the year.
(DEC 2.5) I was sure I had commented on this, themn I realised this is draft 2. I liked draft 1 just fine, so this is a little extra cool. 555
This was awesome,as was the OS,5s
(DEC2) At first I got lost, but then I realized that it was from Cupid's point of view. . .I have ended three relationships on Valentine's Day. . .so I agree also.
Nerds get all the chicks, cause they do their homework and figure out what a guy/.girl wants, instead of just expecting it like some hunk would :)
Too bad Valentine got vicked by the Romans.
(ABC4V)
Maybe that Cupid fellow needs to read my parody of a"A Whore With No Name" - he may get a clue. Nice angle on something no one ever thinks about. Cupid needs an archer weapon that performs as a boomerang, but then who would he attract besides himself, ie Ms. Rosey Palm, perhaps? Nice write.
Maybe that Cupid fellow needs to read my parody of a"A Whore With No Name" - he may get a clue. Nice angle on something no one ever thinks about. Cupid needs an archer weapon that performs as a boomerang, but then who would he attract besides himself, ie Ms. Rosey Palm, perhaps? Nice write.
(ABC) Taking the time to admire the rhyme couplet of "archer/departure" and the very difficult song structure
(ABC) Still not a fan of Valentines Day, so still got my agreeance on it, this one was pretty decent I must say.
"Cupid...draw back your bow..."
I'm glad you took this from Cupid's point of view. He doesn't get enough credit, does he?
I know you are a RBF fan...you even turned me on to them...so I like your choice of the OS
I hope he makes it to "third" base, although I can't imagine what would happen if he hit a home-run.
I'm glad you took this from Cupid's point of view. He doesn't get enough credit, does he?
I know you are a RBF fan...you even turned me on to them...so I like your choice of the OS
I hope he makes it to "third" base, although I can't imagine what would happen if he hit a home-run.
(ABC) see above - you must feel better after that diatribe Matt, and I was impressed with the archer/departure rhyme - and if he's gonna celebrate after third base, those home run fireworks will be pretty cool
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