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Song Parodies -> "Critique (All I'll ever get...)"
Original Song Title:
"Don't Speak"
(MP3)Original Performer:
No Doubt
Parody Song Title:
"Critique (All I'll ever get...)"
Parody Written by:
EmiLoca
The Lyrics
This is in response to Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni)'s comic MASTERPIECE "Hittin' on EmiLoca". If you haven't seen it already, go see it. Now. After that, you can go ahead and read this little ditty I wrote about JARLB himself. Please keep in mind that the views expressed in this parody do not necessarily reflect the beliefs or sanity of the author.
Frequently
You leave me witty comments
Bet you have an accent;
Tempts me
I read your songs
And I'm losing all my sense
I can't believe
I could be this dense
You're charming me with parodies
I sure wish that you lived in Tennessee
Critique
That's all that I'll be getting
So I should stop sweating
You might be some pervert
Each week
I can't say what I'm thinking
I have one good reason:
I don't know how to flirt
Our parodies
Well, they can be amusing
But all my feelings lately? Real confusing.
As I write so late at night
I look over your work
And I "ignite"
One geek
Her hormones are distracting
She's overreacting
She ends up getting hurt (no, no, no)
Misspeak
Watch her stagger, stutter
'Cause she cannot utter
Her feelings won't exert
Is it ending?
Gratification pending; mutual?
You and me
Are you busy Friday? I'm free...
Unique
Your parodies astound me
Angels dance around me
Until my mind reverts (whoa, whoa, whoa)
I shriek
Nothing can suppress me
Verbally undress me
With your seductive words
My feelings are overt!
(A-i-ya-i-ya)
(You know I'm just playing
So I'll stop explaining...
Won't speak, no.)
You leave me witty comments
Bet you have an accent;
Tempts me
I read your songs
And I'm losing all my sense
I can't believe
I could be this dense
You're charming me with parodies
I sure wish that you lived in Tennessee
Critique
That's all that I'll be getting
So I should stop sweating
You might be some pervert
Each week
I can't say what I'm thinking
I have one good reason:
I don't know how to flirt
Our parodies
Well, they can be amusing
But all my feelings lately? Real confusing.
As I write so late at night
I look over your work
And I "ignite"
One geek
Her hormones are distracting
She's overreacting
She ends up getting hurt (no, no, no)
Misspeak
Watch her stagger, stutter
'Cause she cannot utter
Her feelings won't exert
Is it ending?
Gratification pending; mutual?
You and me
Are you busy Friday? I'm free...
Unique
Your parodies astound me
Angels dance around me
Until my mind reverts (whoa, whoa, whoa)
I shriek
Nothing can suppress me
Verbally undress me
With your seductive words
My feelings are overt!
(A-i-ya-i-ya)
(You know I'm just playing
So I'll stop explaining...
Won't speak, no.)
[Insert embarassed, witty comment here] Oh wait, I have one of my own. [Just kidding.]
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 2 | 2 | 2 |
User Comments
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yeah, em...you showed me this and it's official: youve reached a new all time low. i thought we had something :( jk it's okay, but it confuses me because ive never verbally undressed anyone before, is it possible?
Ahh, my sweet petal! Your soothing sonnets touch my heart, causing a high cardiologist bill. Friday- it's a date! (note that the time difference may lead to a 3am date)
Good parody.... You're in TN, eh? I'm in NC myself.... I wonder how many fellow southerners write for this site....
I live in Tn. too. :D
Note to self: when writing a parody and including the state where you "live", make sure that it isn't just a convenient rhyme. Thanks, Mark, for your support. We did have something, but I think you sold it on eBay, along with the toaster and collector's plates. I'm never letting you read my work again. *changes disposition from annoyed to girlishly unctuous* Dearest Jake, a 3 a.m. date would be divine. I'll book reservations at the nearest 24-Hour Quik Trip for some leftover corn dogs.
It's Luke. We really should get the basics down before we go forth with such commitments as leftover corndogs. Hell, I'm only half-sure what a corndog is!
*gasp* You know what, you're right. I think Jake is not only NOT your name, but Jake was also my ex. Ack, don't I feel sheepish. Tell you what, I'll buy you a corn dog and a half to make up for it...so sorry.
yeah, she doesn't live in TN, i should know (i'm her neighbor)... not bad, i kind of like it but if this is really true you're pathetic
Hey you idiot! If you know anything about Australia, you'll know our national soapie is 'Neighbours' which has a 'u' in it!!! I fail to believe that EmiLoca is pathetic from someone who so blatantly shoves my culture back in my face with misspelt crap like that! *flees teary-eyed from the scene*
*applauds* And the Oscar goes to...
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni)!!!!!
Thanks Tibbygirl, I had no idea that I was who EmiLoca was referring too!
Good thing she finally announced that...I think that 13-day delay is going to make our ratings considerably lower than most awards shows.
Emi, you can't have negative ratings!!!
Har har. Trust me on this one.
I really thought that you needed to specify who you were talking about!! I mean, it was like waiting thirteen days to open the Grammy envelope.....I did a public service here. I'm proud of me.
Sit down, Tibbygirl. NOW.
Excuuuuuse me!!??! Am I being disrespected up in this haven of creativity!?!?! OUCH! DID SOMEONE JUST BITE MY ANKLE!?!?! I WANT A LAWYER RIGHT THIS INSTANT!! MY CIVIL RIGHTS ARE BEING VIOLATED!!!!!!
Mmm...ankle....oh, pick me! I'm a lawyer!
that was gew but de pacin' needs a smidge of waork yo'
I choose you EmiLoca!!! Ain't that just so gew??
Eh? Meh? SMEH? What the hell is 'gew'? A new phrase for 'well wickid', 'fully sick' or 'da bomb'? Can I be the first to integrate this lingo into the Aussie culture? I tried for 'Tche' (like saying 'cheddar' but without the 'ddar') as a sort of informal greeting but it never got off the ground.
I have come to the conclusion that it is the lispy version of "cool"...and since I am assuming that vixen orlodo will probably never be back to visit this board, I would most definitely say that you can integrate it into whatever culture you'd like.
"Gew" is Uneducated American for "good". Another foreign language offered at our school.
Me dig dat class-thingy.
Well, I'll be in out in three to five on gew behaviour.
Ok, we're done.
Yeah, we sort of milked the teat of that one until it bled, and then kept milking... until the blood ran out and there was nothign left to milk even though we were squeezing really hard, with these weird sucky noises like when you're trying to get paint out of a bottle but all you keep doing is pushing air in and out... gew..
You ALWAYS have to go too far, don't you? It's like you're driving in a pickup on E, and you keep pushing the pedal, and your Toyota's making these weird sputtering sounds, and there's nothing left for your car to run on even though your foot is now completely to the metal, but the difference here is that you KNOW that you're out of gas, but you don't realize that WE know you're out, so you keep pretending you're driving at top speed even though it's perfectly clear to all of us outside the car that you're not moving. And...that would be going too far.
Yes, it would. Then I'd turn around and yell 'What the gew are you doing in my car?' and you'd be all like 'I don't gewing know! You haven't even gewed a driver's license, you gewhead!' and I would cleverly retort 'I gew you are but gew am I?' and you gew me to death with a metallic gew, making gewful slashing gewvments until I lay a puddle of gew on the gewment. And all of a sudden I'd gew to my feet and gew 'Gewdiddy gew, gewgew? Gewwegew ewg gewgewgewgewgew my gewgewgewgew you gewing gewdigewdiddygew!' and then all these gews would gew out from behind this gewweggew gewewg and ewg my egwwge down... ...and THAT would be going too far...
Here, have one of your votes back, I found it lurking in Chucky G's Porn Folder.
Here, have one of your votes back, I found it lurking in Chucky G's Porn Folder.
nnnnnnngggggggghhhhhhh gew.
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