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Song Parodies -> "Hank: Portrait of a Cargo Trucker"

Original Song Title:

"The Girls Of Porn"

Original Performer:

Mr. Bungle

Parody Song Title:

"Hank: Portrait of a Cargo Trucker"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Challenged by Matthias. DKTOS? Try (warning: lyrics for mature audiences only)
(sound effects: interior of semi-truck, radio on dashboard playing fadeout of "Convoy" by C.W. McCall)

OK, all you hard-driving cargo truckers out there...
It's time to win a chance to refit your hauler, plus 10 gallons of gas

No urge to push down the brakes
All I can think about is moving on with stealth
Make delivery date
I gotta hustle and I don't need no one's help

(CB chatter: "Smokey's on the highway...)

I chew tobacco while my dawg, he snores
Lookin' for Farm & Fleet Store
So I push the gearshift once, then twice
Now just watch this sucker fly!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

New waitress at the Citgo
We have a good time talking 'til I gotta go
Triple tax, Chicago!
On Mama's birthday, I'll call her on a payphone

(CB chatter: "Breaker, Breaker!..."etc., continues through the next 2 stanzas)

Out on the road, I'm alone
I'm weary in my bones
Avoid speed cones in slow zones
Whizzing past your homes

"What's in yer shed, Fred?"

I'm haulin' kneepads, stripling bushes
Soccer balls and mattress cushions
Fine linen, razor blades
Big soup ladles and electric trains
I got big jobs for seven weeks
From 2 banks run by the Greeks
From San Diego, San Jose
And up to Boston in 30 days
I've shipped insects and pharmaceuticals, too
There's no shipment I won't try to do
I've seen squirrels eat a crate right through
And I nearly had my finger chewed
I've seen things that you won't believe
Some fog-bound nights I could barely see
Excuse me missy, if we go Dutch
I really don't get paid that much, yeah!

Got my dawg sittin' next to me
Take another benzedrine
And drink down some more coffee
Turn off on 53

Now the Statler Brothers back on tour
They play "Convoy" on the air once more
Please, just play me Red Sovine this time
As I pass the long highway by

(sample from "East Bound & Down" by Jerry Reed)
Yeah, yeah, yeah!!

("Fido, how 'bout a new flea collar!")
I was made for truckin', baby! I...I...I... (repeat 4x)

(one full minute of the opening sound effects again, Hank spits, the dog moans, a fly buzzes indiscriminately...)
Copyright 2008, Agrimorfee. Well there ya go.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Captures the spirit of the "Eighteen Wheelers" like a hot cup of coffee and a warm waitress..
Matthias - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
I want Dave to record this one for you!!! LOL!!! This was amazing, and it actually looks like somewhat of a challanging song to accomplish. So great job on this on Aggy!!! Are you really going to do the entire album? Because "Egg" looks like it really takes some balls to do.
Agrimorfee - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
I was actually thinking about doing Calfornia, not self-titled...but that could be done, too, I suppose, with some guts and planning. If it gets der Bungle more love, people should do more of their tracks.
littleTruckCakes - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
555 Sir for the memory of reading Jerry Reed's "East Bound & Down" line. You've really captured the 'flavor of the road' quite well, Sir.
MrMacphisto - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Good but obscure choice... 5-5-5
Abbott Skelding - June 24, 2014 - Report this comment
What the heck did I just listen to? haha Very different OS, but you seemed to match it up pretty nicely. A lot of details that definitely added to your spoof, nice work!
Blaydeman - July 05, 2014 - Report this comment
(ABC) Not a huge fan of Mr. Bungle I'm afraid, so the OS didn't hit me in a fond way like it does Matthias, however, substituting your lyrics in for the OS's made it still fun somehow.
bobpiecheese - July 08, 2014 - Report this comment
(ABC) Not really LOL funny (though that might be my unfamiliarity with the trucker culture) but bugger me if it wasn't well written. 555

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