I gotta talk about the shocker
With Johnny Depp, the pepper-upper
Climbing through the bedroom shutter
While Tommy Chong wrapped a doobie up to songs
From Kim Kardashian who needed to bring along
Jennifer Grey and Eminem, all in stitches
From Mr. Shia Lebeouf who kept dropping the dishes
It sounds kinda dumb, but celebrities pump
To get down and boogie with the Donald, Trump, yup

Click clack, stars are whack
But this is honest gossip, baby (2x)

There was the old Beatty, Ned and Mr. Danson, Ted
“Please don’t sit on my corgi,” s’what Paris Hilton said
Hank Kissinger tried to buy…toots from these loons
I saw Mr. Robin Williams ...doing Mork on the moon

I saw Yasmine Bleeth appear in a dress from Bill Blass
I saw Keifer Sutherland try to pinch her ass
Then it seems that Seth Green mocked both Weinsteins
Goodbye to his dreams as an idol to teens!

Sweet Rose McGowan kept the champagne flowin’
Running back poured bucket of beer, then she’d chug it
Ursula Andress got undressed out her puce burnoose
Zac Efron was so loose with his Kentucky joy juice
Stupor group droops, whoops!, shoot the hoops, catching croup
Nicole Richie’s pleas, tease
On her knees, unease, wooie!

Tom might dump Katie, just save Suri!
“Those skirts looked too flashy, Mary Kate and Ashley”
Or that’s what I heard from Dave (Paul’s his slave),
Heard from Donny Most, Ralph Malph, living up coast

Click Clack, Diddy’s packed, pumped full of crack, no tact
Saw Jack Black get stacked on Karen Black
See panorama of the camo pajamas?
Was it flirty Madonna? No, just Hannah Montana!

Party house with Tony, stars came out, so real not phony (4x)

(CHARO AND ARSENIO HALL JOIN IN AN IMPROVISED SINGALONG)

Looked at Wynton Marsalis, he went and blew his horn
Mark Hamill he begged for “The Wheel of Porn”
‘Scuse me if I do pander, it was Jason Alexander
Who did Lydia Lunch, see the way he spanned her?
Christian Bale then began to dry his tears
Saw Charlton choose to drink beer with Spears
Oh there’s a question, “Isn’t Heston dead as Myrna Loy?”
I guess I tricked up that story, but the rest of it’s true--OY!!

Hick hack, this is whack
My tale of gossip’s over baby! (2x)

Sluts, rakes and hotties…
They came to party, that’s my quote…(continuous)

(VARIOUS SOUNDS OF LAST NIGHT’S PARTY OVERTAKE THE SINGING ‘TIL IT ALL COLLAPSES IN A HEAP…)