That failed Philly is a second class dud
He looks just like Elmer Fudd
Not a one syndication to his name
Hated when they said he's good
That Phil McGraw he's really some thing
And I hear he's playin' Croquet
He's a nozy little snob, couldn't get a real job
Yeah, Phil McGraw is a pain

I really think Doctor Phil should
Stop bein' so completely uptight
I really think Doctor Phil should

Mops in the corner are less of a bore
On "Oprah" he should've stayed
Philly makes me tired, he should retire
That would just make my day
That's just what I always say, He shouldn't get pay
Ooh his voice, I dread the sound
He just thinks he's so neat
He oughta get beat
Philly's goin' down

I really think Doctor Phil should
Stop bein' so completely uptight
I really think Doctor Phil Should
He's gonna be your place to whine
He's got one thing I just can't stand
He's not what you'd call an average man
Not one thing that's easily understood
Is why they say that Doctor Phil's good

He is a ding-a-ling
He says he's really neat
movin' up to a "ha ha"
Doctor Phil's brain is like a hockey puck
Dumbest guy I ever saw
Two time loser he ain't got a use
He'll bug you really quick
Heard a rumor goin' round
Phil is a greyhound
He's gone to fetch a stick

I really think Doctor Phil Should
Stop being so completely uptight
I really think Doctor Phil should
He's gonna be your place to whine

He will lose his goal, just take his hand
Some people call him a miracle man
let him introduce introduce his guest real good
Yes I really think that Doctor Phil should