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Song Parodies -> "Someone Harass Me"

Original Song Title:

"Somebody Love Me"

Original Performer:

Michael W. Smith

Parody Song Title:

"Someone Harass Me"

Parody Written by:

Immoral Liberal

The Lyrics

So amid all the accusations of sexual harassment flying around Hollywood and Washington D.C. these days, there's this one gal who's... shall we say... rather large who's fretting to herself "Where were all these bad boys when I was a fan girl and a campaign worker? Didn't anyone think I was worth harassing?" (Other than a few chorus lines, words in parentheses are words that are just barely pronounced in order to keep pace with the original song.)
Sitting at a table
Scarfing up my meal;
Once again, (I) eat all alone.
Waiting for that someone
To see my bulk's appeal,
Address me with just the wrong tone;
(But) who will it be,
To grab my booty?
Skinny gals just have things so easy!

Someone harass me:
Treat me like a slab of meat.
Talk to me dirty,
And call me "sugar" and "sweet."
Someone mistreat me:
(Come) stick your hands where they shouldn't be.
Won't someone harass me? Grope me...

(I'm) waiting for some masher
To act like total swine:
(A) drunken lout and a disgrace.
(I'm) waiting for that lecher
To cross that legal line,
And whip his thing right out in my face.
Let your naughty parts swing:
Open your long coat.
When will I see your pubes displaying?

Someone harass me:
Put your assets on display.
Damage my clothing
By grabbing me the wrong way.
Rip undergarments,
And poke me inappropriately.
Won't someone harass me? Flash me...

Someone harass me:
(Make) me watch as you spank your monkey.
Someone harass me! Show me...
(Someone harass me!)

Someone harass me:
At your house, force me to stay.
Take me on your yacht
Where it's hard to get away.
Someone abuse me,
And don't respect me in the morning.
Someone harass me! Snatch me...
(Someone harass me!)

Someone harass me:
Blame it all on my short skirt.
Slander and libel,
And drag my name through the dirt!
Utter calumnies:
By calling me a fat slut and skank.
Someone harass me! Smear me...
Of course, if some of you larger ladies are feeling neglected, Zoey Jordan Salsbury can tell you that you shouldn't go giving up hope just yet.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Below Average Dave - November 24, 2017 - Report this comment
Interesting mix of today's everyone's sexually harassing everyone attitude and the traditional chubby topic. Reminds me of the South Park episode where Mr. Garrison is upset with his dad because he never molested him. The somewhat sad thing is, I know what the character in this story is saying--she just wants to feel wanted. . .555
Bill Maher - November 25, 2017 - Report this comment
"I was raised Catholic. I was never molested as a child, and frankly, I'm a little bit insulted. Wasn't I pretty enough?"

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