I treat the world today
To some toys so that
The kiddies all can play
They tried to tell you
That you look like you're much too old
To believe in elven kings
Yesterday I tried
Just to train reindeer how to
More quickly glide
I can't understand how many gifts kids choosed
I do envy kids
I'm a fly around the world
While they all sleep like squids

I'm Saint Nick, I'm a fatty
I don't like kids, they're bratty
I'm a giver, I'm a saint
I do give toys and games
I've a bell, I've a beard
I'm old and kind of weird
You know I couldn't ride in any other sley

So bake me fish or ham
Anything's
Okay as long as it's not spam
Rest assured that
When you leave me milk and cookies
Just like all the other schmucks
It makes me want to say
A bad word that rhymes with "ducks"

I'm Saint Nick, I'm a fatty
I don't like kids, they're bratty
I'm a giver, I'm a saint
I do give toys and games
I've a bell, I've a beard
I'm old and kind of weird
You know I couldn't ride in any other sley

Just when you think you've got your shopping done
The season's no longer Christmas
I think it's cool to call X-mas "Yule"
And don't close your chimney

I'm Saint Nick, I'm a fatty
I don't like kids, they're bratty
I'm a giver, I'm a saint
I do give toys and games
I've a bell, I've a beard
I'm old and kind of weird
You know I couldn't ride in any other sley

I'm Saint Nick, I'm an elf
I'm a put gifts on your shelf
When you're broke, need a buffer
I'm your elf king undercover
Don't buy gifts, I'll provide
Can't say I haven't tried
To distribute gifts so all the kids can play