Song Parodies -> "Not Too Handy"

Original Song Title:

"Sex And Candy"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"Not Too Handy"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

My dad is a carpenter but I never really learned the trade... This is my story.

Hammers pound
My thumb, I scream "Hell!!!"
And this is the last time
That I try to go fix that shelf
I'll need some gauze
To help that bleeding dry
And it's a bust
My thumb doubled in size

I'm just not too handy, dear
Oh no...
Used a drill, You heard me swear
Oh no...
I'm sandblastin' a giant hole right in my front porch
My wife is surely gonna scream
Crap!
Jackhammers made my floor obscene
Damn it!

Saws spin 'round
Chopped my finger off
And I can't trust these machines
That would make Bob Vila scoff
That nail gun
Shot one right through my leg
This isn't fun!
"You gotta stop!" wife begs!

I'm just far too clumsy, dear
Oh no...
With screwdrivers I'm impaired
Oh no...
No woodworkin', I made a chair that is collapsin'
You'll sit and you will be in pain
Ouch!
Some reason can't get this through my brain
Dummy!
Power tools are driving me insane
Damn!

I'm just not too handy, dear
Oh no...
That chainsaw has made me scared
Oh no...
I tried cuttin' through these big logs it's a disastor
Yucky! It looks like a crime scene!
Nasty!
Construction is just not my thing
Nope!
A screw loose might be what you think
Yeah!
Have ER on speed dial please!

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User Comments

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Glen S - August 21, 2013 - Report this comment

Classic Matty slapstick. I enjoyed the idea of someone singing about all this violent mishap in the dull, calm tone of the OS. And good to see you man.

Blaydeman - July 23, 2016 - Report this comment

(Abc) I imagine this character sitting in an ER waiting room with cuts and bandages all over him and he's singing so dryly because if the massive blood loss. That imagine alone makes me smile. Love the OS and I think you idea worked perfectly, it would've been cool if you would've gone a little wackier with it, but it's still really strong.

Agrimorfee - August 01, 2016 - Report this comment

Would be great as a doubpleplay backed with Weird Al's "Handy"!

bobpiecheese - August 05, 2016 - Report this comment

(ABC) The pacing felt a little off in places, but that might just be Captain Mumbles on the OS screwing me over. That said, hilarious stuff, even if I didn't know who Bob Vila was without a Google search. 555 bruises!

Abbott Skelding - August 08, 2016 - Report this comment

I agree with the mumbling OS giving pacing issues during the chorus, but I'll overlook that because it's a spoof of one of the greatest songs of the 90 (where apparently everyone was too busy mumbling haha). Nice work!

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