Well I look through the stage door – is it you? I can’t be sure
Your fur’s blow-dried and you’ve had a manicure
There’s your loyal little flunkie buzzing round you like a bee
You’re more diva than J-Lo, more bling than Fifty C
You see me stood there, and look right through me
You think I’m just a fan
Oh Lassie, have you forgotten where you’re from and how it all began?

Lassie, you’re in pictures, but do you remember me?
I used to be your owner, don’t call security
You eat filet mignon while I get day-old bread and cheese
Lassie, I spent whole days just combing out your fleas!
Oh Lassie, you were always so difficult to please

Well even as a puppy I could see that you’d go far
And you dreamed of being Top Dog, superstar!
We worked hard on your diction, whine, bark and yelp
And fell down hundreds of holes so you could practice getting help
Then I helped you get an agent
And you gave me the sack
‘Cause you said that I was small-time, and if I hung around I’d hold you back!

Lassie, you’re in pictures, but now I am stony broke
I made you wear a dog tux, but that was just a joke
These days you just ignore me, do you do it just for kicks?
Lassie, would your showbiz pals ever throw you sticks?

If only things were diff’rent, wish that we could turn back the clock
It breaks my heart to see that… you’re no longer Lassie From The Block!

Lassie, you’re in pictures when you could be chasing balls
But you don’t write me letters, and won’t return my calls
You took out an injunction and you served it up to me
Lassie, you’re a doggone mean big celebrity!
Oh Lassie, you were always just… ‘Fluffikins’ to me!