The Lyrics

So did you watch the Democratic National Convention? Yeah? Me neither. I already know that John Kerry's best attribute is that he is not George Bush. Hey - that's also MY best attribute! I should have run!

In the airport food court, in line for undercooked Croatian food
I was shootin' the bull - with this talkative impatient dude
First he pointed out some Amish guys - then girls in tight shorts
And when the small talk got too small, we moved to politics from sports
He asked me, come election day, which way I'd poke my dot
And I said, Listen - it's not who'll get my vote, it's who will NOT

Anyone but Bush, man
Anyone but Bush, man
When shove comes to push, man
I hope we lick that Bush, man
I'd rather elect my tush, man
Anyone but Bush

I'd vote for:
John Kerry
Jim Carrey
Drew Carey
Ben & Jerry
Tooth Fairy
Halle Berry
Virgin Mary
FrankenBerry
Witchie Poo
Lucy Liu
Scooby Doo
Pete & Spanky
Vince Gill
Hank Hill
Mr. Bill
Mr. Hanky
Ms. Lewinsky
Ted Kaczynski
Christie Brinkley
Tinky-Winky
Gretchen Wilson
Paris Hilton
Rumpelstiltskin
See my thinkin'?

Anyone but Bush, man
Anyone but Bush, man
Cans of Orange Croosh, man
Have got more brains than Bush, man
A single term's way too moosh, man
Anyone but Bush

I'd vote for:
Hank Snow
Margaret Cho
Ross Perot
Sonny Bono
Strong Bad
Cheryl Ladd
John Madden
Yoko Ono
Phil Spector
Dr. Lecter
Dr. Phil &
Oprah Winfrey
Dr. Suess
Marty Moose
Morty Seinfeld
Ren & Stimpy
Bob Barker
Peter Parker
Judge Wapner
Betty Crocker
Joe Cocker
John Rocker
Gaylord Focker
What a shocker

Anyone but Dub-ya
Anyone but Dub-ya
Man that dude can rub ya
In wrong-ass ways that snub ya
I'd rather elect my chub, ya
Anyone but Bush

I'd vote for:
Marv Albert
Fat Albert
Morris Albert
Johnny Fever
Vin Diesel
Jim Caviezel
Siggy Weaver
Beaver Cleaver
Spike Lee
Jay-Z
Ali G
Danny Zuko
Adam Sandler
Phoebe, Chandler
Rachel, Joey
Buttafuoco
Sharon Stone
Karl Malone
Smarty Jones
Mean Joe Green
Charlie Sheen
Mr. Bean
Mr. Clean
See what I mean?

Anyone but Bush, man
Anyone but Bush, man
Dude's name makes me bloosh, man
It makes me think of bush, man
I'm gonna write-in my tush, man
Anyone but Bush

I'd vote for:
Ned Flanders
Colonel Sanders
Barney Rubble
Barney Miller
Gabe Kotter
Harry Potter
Emmett Otter
Phyllis Diller
Navin Johnson
Hunter Thompson
Monty Python
Warren Beatty
Dolly Parton
Apple Martin
Mischa Barton
Marcia Brady
Lou Bega
Vincent Vega
Johnny Rotten
Johnny Sack
Kobe, Shaq
Jack Black
Bernie Mac
It's just wack

Anyone but Bush, man
Anyone but Bush, man
I'd drink your wife's douche, man
Before I'd vote for Bush, man
Jus' drop the guy in and floosh, man
Anyone but Bush

AN - Y - ONE - BUT - BUSH

"I've Been Everywhere" has been, well, everywhere. It was written in 1959 by Australian Geoff Mack, who listed Aussie locations. Mack's rewrite with North American towns was a hit for Canadian Hank Snow in 1962; Arkansan Johnny Cash covered it on his 1998 album "Unchained."
Parody � 2004+ Spaff.com (from somewhere else entirely).

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Phil Alexander - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

DKTOS, but I'm making the assumption you nailed it... but I'm disappointed, spaff - no Homer Simpson? (I mean, he'd fit in place of Hunter Thompson). Tinky-winky for Prez? Seeing as I can't cast my vote in the US elections, I'll just have to vote for this song, instead :-)

Arwen - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

Vin Diesel!!!! Woohoo! At the very least, I'd start watching the State of the Union Address...hell, I'd tape it! I don't really think you'll ever cease to amaze me, Spaff. I keep hoping you will...because everyone in the office is getting tired of my gasping in awe whenever you post something. Maybe you should work on that...5s!

Arwen - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

Not to mention STRONG BAD!!! You are SO the coolest boy ever for giving him props. He's my real hero, truth be known. You're the runner up. =)

John Barry - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

I pledge my 555 delegates to Spaff. This is as brilliant as Bush is stupid--which is to say very, very brilliant.

Royce Miller - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

ask someone about Kerry's third purple heart--someone who was there-you do the research

Know 1 can hear you dream - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

DKTOS: I though you said you were gonna follow in the footsteps of Weird Al and stay away from this subject (politics). Glad you decided not to cos this was an amazing read even as a poem. And I�m not even a fan of political parodies, they seem to bring out the worst in people (not to mention the One Guy).

Dee Range - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

Fantastic work. 555

Ravyn Rant - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

I'd vote for your tush any day, Spaff!

Claude Prez - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

Awesome of course; and anyone who assumes this is an endorsement of the other guy should read Spaff's "Bush and Kerry" at http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/franksinatra31.shtml

Johnny D - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

Right now, I'll vote for THE MIGHTY SPAFF !

Rod Worden - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

I'm familiar with the orig song, and your pacing is perfect. Asleep at the Wheel also did a great job with it. Absolute killer, spaf! 5s!

EmiLoca - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

Wow, Mr. com! I'm really impressed with this. Deserves nothing less than fives.

Guy - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

Spaff - I did thos song once, but not nearly this well. FIne job.

Billy Florio - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

SPAFF FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!

Michael Pacholek - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

Four more years? No! Five more points? Yes! I noticed that some of the people you named are dead. Well, Bush is dead from the neck up. And after his acceptance speech, we can no longer say that some of these guys are more "animated" than Kerry. Arwen: Please, Vin Diesel has less acting ability than an Orc. John Barry: Even Spaff can't be THAT brilliant. But he comes closer than we mere mortals do. Royce: Seeing as how you've moved past Kerry's FIRST PURPLE HEART and his SECOND PURPLE HEART all the way to his THIRD PURPLE HEART, why don't we ask about Bush's Purple Heart? Well, he doesn't have one. Purple or otherwise. He does, however, have a Swollen Liver. Ask someone who was there? That lets out the whole Bush Administration except Colin Powell.

Cookie man - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment

Lick Bush?!?! You so funny! ;) Great work! 555

Arwen - July 31, 2004 - Report this comment

"Arwen: Please, Vin Diesel has less acting ability than an Orc." Number one...I never said anything about appreciating his ACTING ability...and number two...the Orc reference confirms that my subtle brainwashing techniques are working on you just as I'd hoped...nice to know you haven't forgotten me, Mr. Pacholek.

Spaff.com - July 31, 2004 - Report this comment

Wow, I really thought I'd get some 111's on this. Evidently y'all realize that what I'm really parodying here is the "anyone but bush" attitude, and although it's written in first-person, it doesn't necessarily reflect my views. Do I PERSONALLY think Smarty Jones would be a better president than GWB? No, actually, I don't. But it would be a helluva race.

Philbo: Along with Homer, alas, I left out Jessica and OJ. But Matt Groenig's show isn't entirely unrepresented.
Sister Evenstar: Only runner-up? Sounds like I'd better do some more burninating.
John: Thank you Barry, Barry much.
Royce: Good point. People should vote for President based on how many legitimately obtained Purple Hearts each candidate has.
Peter chyd: I don't recall saying I was going to avoid politics OR follow in Al's footsteps. Daunting goals, both.
Dee: Are you related to Radar?
Ravyn: And I yours.
C4P: You and your shameless plugs.
Johnny Dangle: I'm afraid your voter reg card lists a different name. Please hang tight while I summon those nice policemen over there.
Rod: Sorry I didn't reference them. I must have been asleep at, uh...
AcoLime: It's always nice to impress the impressive.
Guy: GUY?! Is that you?! I thought you ran away and joined the circus.
Billy Don't Be A Florio: Your sign should say CLAUDE 4 PREZ. I'm content to be Secretary of the Fence.
Michaelopedia: Heh heh. My money was on you to recognize every name in this.
Cookie Monster: An oldie but a goldie.

Ashkicksass - August 02, 2004 - Report this comment

That's it. I'm changing your name to Spaffkicksass. And I would like to second Arwen's comments, because you never cease to amaze me either.

Arwen - August 02, 2004 - Report this comment

And also, by seconding my comments, she's trying to be cool by association.

Spaff.com - August 26, 2004 - Report this comment

Sisters Kicksass & Evenstar: Thank you. I may start referring to the pair of you as "AA" because your dialogue can be addictive. And too much of it can make you hurl.

Arwen - August 26, 2004 - Report this comment

LOL!

Ashkicksass - August 27, 2004 - Report this comment

I am not LingOL. While I agree that we are addictive, there is no hurling involved, whatsoever!

I hereby deduct 83 points from Spaff!

Arwen - August 28, 2004 - Report this comment

I will stand by my original LOL...but will concur with AKA that generally, hurling is not part of the "A squared" equation.

Jack Wilson - August 30, 2004 - Report this comment

LOL this is awesome! 555!

Spaff.com - September 09, 2004 - Report this comment

Jackie: Thanx!
AA Sisters: Sorry - I'm too hung over to argue.

2nz - October 10, 2004 - Report this comment

I missed this one first time around. DKTOS, but I still found it very funny. I'll do my best to find a copy of the song and get back. Good luck with finally licking Bush once and for all.

Spaff.com - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment

Thanx, 2nz. I recently saw a T-shirt that says BUCK FUSH. Heh heh. Also, check out the pic attached to this parody on my site:
http://www.spaff.com/poesy/anyone.html
That jpg was emailed to me and I found it too funny to pass up.

Charlie Decker - December 07, 2004 - Report this comment

How on earth did I miss this one back when it mattered?! This is fantastic as always, Spaff, although I guess you've figured that out by now.

Spaff.com - December 19, 2004 - Report this comment

Thanx, Sgt Decker, but I'm not sure it mattered. But, hey, there's always 2008.

Sepida Alcazar - July 30, 2005 - Report this comment

The who thing was unbelieveable funny and great, except for last part about drinking douche. Went to far with that one... even Bush wouldn't say that.

Spaff.com - September 12, 2005 - Report this comment

Sepida: Hey, it's not MY fault the incumbent had a name that's so hard to rhyme.

Cat - December 28, 2005 - Report this comment

This is excellent. Unfortunately, I only know the OS due to that silly Choice Hotels commercial...

Spaff.com - April 02, 2006 - Report this comment

Thanx, Cat. That's where I got the idea too.

Red Ant - January 01, 2007 - Report this comment

Dated now, but still very funny. I disagree with Sepida; the "douch" line made this more over the top. 555+

Spoof-Man - January 11, 2007 - Report this comment

Sorry I never read this before, I LOVE IT, & CAN"T GET A NUFF OF IT!!! Your good Mr. Spaff!

Spaff.com - January 21, 2007 - Report this comment

Thanx, Ant in Chains and Spoof-Man. It's always nice when moldy old stuff gets aired out.

2nz - January 22, 2007 - Report this comment

Who's this bitch a couple of comments up using my name and throwing out DKTOSs. I mean really. Great work here, Spaff. I remember coming back to this when I knew the song and finding it excellent. That's my laziness for ya. Still excellent. I still like the John Kerry rhymes right at the beginning.

Spaff.com - February 03, 2007 - Report this comment

Thanx, bitch.

Jake - May 14, 2007 - Report this comment

Vote Spaff.com for 555.

Burnbra Bush - May 14, 2007 - Report this comment

This is hilarious. The rhyming lists of famous people is amazing. I love the dead ones.

nudist - July 08, 2007 - Report this comment

Anyone heard the parody of this called Ive seen pubic hair? Its hilarious and I am trying to find it to do at nude Karaoke

Spaff.com - August 18, 2007 - Report this comment

Jake: Thank you. I'm looking forward to my impeachment hearings.

Burnbra Bush: Thanks, and they love you too. They told me so.

nudist: Um, did you say nude karaoke? Got the address?

AFW - September 08, 2007 - Report this comment

I wasn't around the website yet, when this was done....Great name selecting and grouping...very funny premise and play out...

Spaff.com - October 09, 2007 - Report this comment

Hey, thanx, AFW. Three years later, I'm *still* hoping I'll wake up to discover that the re-election was just a bad dream.

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