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Song Parodies -> "What if God Was Blind?"

Original Song Title:

"One of Us"

Original Performer:

Joan Osborne

Parody Song Title:

"What if God Was Blind?"

Parody Written by:

Michael Byington

The Lyrics

This parody was written by a legally blind author for the enjoyment of blind friends and associates. It was performed at the Friends in Art Showcase at the American Council of the Blind convention, 1999
What if God was blind?
How would the world change?
Where would he get O&M?
And how would he pay for it?
Would public transit improve?
Or would cars drive themselves
Like Kit on Nightrider?
Yah yah, what if God was blind?
Yah yah, or maybe legally blind?
Yah yah yah yah yah, what if God was blind like us?
Just some blind guy on a bus,
Listening to the homeless cuss,
Hoping the driver announces stops.

What if God could not see,
And was some blind girl,
Would she feel safe on the streets,
Traveling throughout the world,
Would she use a white cane,
Or maybe a guide dog,
And would people shout at her too loud,
Or establish a dialogue?
Yah yah, what if God were a blink,
Yah, Rodman wouldn't dye his hair pink
Yah yah yah yah yah, what if God was blind but sane?
Just some blind girl on the train,
Would Bill Clinton feel her pain>
Smelling all the unwashed masses.
Wiping grease from bioptic glasses
Searching for a detectable warning
Sometimes she'd feel quite in mourning,
Enduring N.F.B.'s scorning.

(musical interlude)

Yah yah yah yah yah, what if God was out of sight?
Just some blind hermaphrodite,
Or a low vision Israelite,
Trying to find his way home.
No Braille directions to his thrown.
That's accessibility he'd condone.
His guide dog's sitting on his thrown.
Get down Moses; chew your bone.
Nobody knocks or pounds his door.
Except maybe Mark from Baltimore.

(c) Michael Byington, 1999, may not be reproduced or performed without the permission of the author. Recorded performance also appears on Friends In Art Showcase disk, 1999, (c) Friends in Art of the American Council of the Blind

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