(Beep)
Hey Ryan,
I know you're under a lot of pressure at your work and all,
And I know you're not gonna want to hear this,
But I think it's time you start to drink like a big boy,
No more lids or straws on your cup, okay, honey?
It might take you a few tries and you might make a few messes but you need to learn how to drink from a regular cup,
No more wearing your bib,
You need to learn,
They can teach you,
I can teach you,
I'll do anything,
I'll be the perfect teacher,
I love you,

I don't wanna drink like a man,
From a cup or from a can,
Don't want to spill all over my hand,
Now you're mad at me, ain't ya?
Orange juice like I paint ya,
I don't want to take lessons,
From the pros, not my mission,
So tell me now where my bottle's at,
Did you hide it under the couch with the dead cat?
I don't want to use a bib,
I can drink how I want now that I've got my own crib,
Makes dates hard,
They wonder why I drink from a bottle like a retard,
Like all over my yard,
Please pard-on my behavior,
Man, this is what I'm talkin' "bout,
Use a straw, use a lid, without the cup to my mouth,
I said nothing could ever take your place,
Just not ready to run the race,

I just wanna suck it,
From a straw, lid, cup or bottle or else I'll go,
Cup-less,
Don't need no wasted time,
I just wanna suck it,
From a straw, lid, cup or bottle or else I'll go,
Cup-less,
Don't need no spills today,

You've got the number,
Now it's up to you to make the call,
You tired of spilled milk all over your walls?
You don't have to try hard to get the talent,
Just pick it up, wipe it off, and try again like Gore's ballot,
Just keep goin',
Tryin' to keep it from your friends but I bet they be knowin',
"Bout your obsession with straws,
Instead of takin' it raw,
Yo, I know you're workin' like a parodist,
But it's hard on me to see you want to drink your drink but you missed,
You can give me some satisfaction,
By working that lidless action,
It's why you moved to your own little faction,
Tonight I guess it'd be aight for me to show you how to drink it right,
Come on, baby, please I don't want to get into a fight,
You won't regret it,
So don't just forget it,
I'm not gonna hurt you I just want to,

Come on, son,
You've gone enough years runnin' "round havin' fun,
But now it's number one to get this job done,
Actin' like you don't want none,
Threatenin' to call the cops at the 911,
To the 311,
313,
You've been around long enough to know you don't mess with me,
I'm not gonna fight, I'm not gonna plea,
But you gotta see, this is the key to being happy,
Ever since you've moved out of home,
We've been alone and we known,
We can't teach you to drink over the phone,
So I pay the wager,
I dial your pager,
Meet me at Starbucks this afternoon,
Give you somethin' to go by,
Tired of drinkin' so wild,
Stains on the carpet? See ya!
24/7,
Take you to 7-11,
You'll be in heaven when you learn to drink like Kevin,

I just wanna suck it,
From a straw, lid, cup or bottle or else I'll go,
Cup-less,
Don't need no wasted time,
I just wanna suck it,
From a straw, lid, cup or bottle or else I'll go,
Cup-less,
Don't need no spills today.