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I am driving down the highway
And my kids are in the back seat
They are asking "are we there yet"
Like they couldn't tell from looking

And they whine "when will we be there"
So I tell them "when we get there"
They start pounding on the windows
And somebody starts to scream

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I just got a splitting headache
From the pounding and the screaming
And the woman who's beside me
She is reading a novella

And she looks the other way
As they're wiggling their toes
And I'm pretending not to have this
Smelly foot beside my face

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I pull into a diner
There's a special on the meatloaf
But the kids don't want to eat it
They would rather have a pizza

And "there's something crawling on my plate"
"This mayonnaise smells funny"
Now I'm feeling something kicking me
And so I pull my hair

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There's a couple at the table
Over there, they look so happy
Now they're flirting with each other
And I'm getting an erection

And I'm trying not to notice
There is cole slaw in my hair
And while the kids have fun with liquids
My pants have gotten wet

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This vacation, is it over
How much longer, are we home yet
To the sound of television

I can't wait to go to work

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