Oh Guy he does See, by the dawn's early light. What so proudly we hail! 555

The Vatican almost certainly wouldn't be impressed by this, but I was

fun title switch and beautifully accented

Begin the Beguine.

Like this a lot, Sir: . . . Mermaids - Nuns/puns - Sisters ~ " Extreme Unction at the junction " . . .

Agri - Thanks for the star spangled salute. Your comment says you like so I like. =;-)

Ethan - You are correct - the Vatican does not approve. The last one I wrote on them was "Nun'll Getcha". I got ex-communicated for that parody but they didn't know that I quit their religion many years ago. As Nelson Munce would say, I say to the Vatican - HA HA...

Alvin - Thanks for the boost old friend and I especially liked your parody today. Way over the top.

Sir John - I could not believe the stroke of luck when I clicked up ONELOOK.COM for the word Beguine which had several meanings. The ref in the song was about dance. I was looking for something about nuns that would rhyme - go figure the odds on that one. Thanks for your comment and attention.

M'Lady - Writing these parodies on the RC Church helps with my recovery since I am a recovering Catholic. I may start to work this theme into a series like my Techie, Psycho and Mob stuff,. So glad that you have enjoyed this bit of satire. It was a fun write. Your comment and the others have made my day. My everlasting gratitude.

Sir Guy, ~Le Marquis de Lustie Parodie~ Visions of heaven is what I see, when enfolded in your Parody, Oh Knight, so Bold !

Good dialect work

M'Lady - such colorful sentiment. I am beholding to your loyalty to us reqular writers. Your support is always anticipated and greatly appreciated.

Why thank you Sir Farce. Da dialect was easy mon. I love doing and reviewing Calypso style parody.

I too love this song. I see a lot of tropical spirit in you. Since you like Calypso style music and stuff is your favourite john candy film cool runnings by any chance?

Dr. Music - Sorry - I am unfamiliar with "Cool Runnings". But I shall use my TV cable service to find and automatically record this movie the very next time it is aired on Time Warner Cable and give it a look. Thanks.

That's alright. Say Guy, I bet ya didn't know that in Canada's forests you can find a werejohncandy or two- you can also find a weremoose. I happen to be a werejohncandy.

Dr. Music - I cannot believe I have lived this long and never known these "were" facts about Canada. One problem though - now that you have imparted this knowledge to me I have no idea how to apply it to anything useful. =;-)

It's simple. We're going to use it as part of our ingenius plan. A Werejohncandy can be very very easy to find. They're also rare and elusive. So we'll fly over to Canada, go into the woods on a full moon night, you guys will lure the werejohncandy into our clutches with food of some kind, and then me and my bro will capture it and bring it back here to fang Sarah - and we'll see what happens next. One thing though, Werejohncandys are very sensitive and can get vicious if provoked- as werejohncandys are sensitive about their weight. So we must promise not to make any fat jokes if we come across one, because if you make even the slightest wisecrack about their weight and they will come out and attack you in a most vicious way. I know that because I happen to be one myself, that's why nobody makes any fat jokes when around me. And if luring them out of the lair with food doesn't work, we'll just use the meat flavoured perfume I invented, we'll just spray one of you guys with the meat flavoured perfume. Trust me, it'll work. This plan is genius, it simply cannot fail- well that is unless one of you guys gets bitten or scratched by one. Heaven knows what Agri, Red Ant, AFW or even you Guy would be like as a werejohncandy. We're having a good old fashion hunt/stake-out. We've already got all of the essential things needed for it. . When i'm scared, I change into a werejohncandy, basically my eyes glow green, I develop brownish fur, pointy ears, a black nose, claws, bushy eyebrows, cute little fangs, a long lion-like mane of hair, and my appearance becomes that of John Candy (which means I bulk up, growing 6'3 and gaining 300lbs) and so does my voice. Then after I transform I have panic attacks. I'm kind of like the Cowardly Lion. So basically what I am telling you is that we're going to get a werejohncandy to fang Sarah and see what happens. Here's another problem, once i've transformed into a werejohncandy I can't return to my regular human form for a long period after that- so i'm permantely stuck in that form for a while. However, there are a few ways for me to turn back into my regular form- one of which is to think of my "dream place" and imagine talking to my dream persona. We're going to need your help on this mission- the mission we call: Operation Toronoto Storm. It's a stealth mission so we have to be very very sneaky. We also have to wear black- a lot of black- we're going with a sort of ninja theme in terms of mission apparel. I'm very good at being stealthy though. I've been taking ninja lessons for a long time. I happen to know quite a lot of ninja moves. We're going to need to be very stealthy for the mission, we're going to have to be like shadows in the night. And since it's a werejohncandy we're going to be looking for we're going to need to give ourselves John Candy themed codenames. You can choose your codenames me and my bro already chose ours- mine is Uncle Buck, my brothers is OnlyTheLonely. We'll take my dad's jet. Remember, tell no one else about the mission.

Dr. Music - Wow you sure blew my image of a werejohncandy. I pictured him to look kind of like a Mog. You know the alien on Space Balls who is his own best friend? Sheesh - the stuff I don't know. Well good luck on your quest and be careful out there, but why go to all the trouble of capturing a werejohncandy when you could just get someone to call you a fat pig and then you could loose yourself on the Palin?

Well a werejohncandy IS kind of like Barf but without the tail and with more elf-like ears. Actually it takes more than a little fat joke to tick me off. There are certain things that tick me off: 1. Anyone who ruins my reputation. 2. Anyone who tries to ruin Jay Leno's reputation (that's why I hate Annie's Jay Leno song, it just made Jay look bad, it made him come across as scary instead of likable). 3. Traffic jams. 4. Anyone who resorts to cheating in order to win. 5. Disney Channel and all the teen stars that come from it. 6. The extremely offensive comedy routines of Bill Hicks. 7. Drunk drivers. 8. My dad's boss. 9. Supermodels. And 10. Bad hair days. You see, i'm one of those guys who isn't so easy to anger. So it's kind of difficult to turn into werejohncandy form- unless of course i'm scared, nervous, hungry or angry. I mostly transform when nervous or scared. Here's the thing, trying to get me mad is a very difficult thing to do. And once i'm in werejohncandy form, I'm permantly stuck in that form for a long period of time. Although sometimes I do have a bad temper- as indicated by the fact thay my chinese zodiac animal is the tiger. People are usually afraid to make any fat jokes around me because of the werejohncandy thing.

Dr Music, when you first said you're "permanently stuck in that form for a while" I was wondering if "a while" therefore means "to infinity" because otherwise your choice of the word permanently would be puzzling. I doubt this theory though because I have noticed you using the word permanently on at least half a dozen other occasions and the usage was entirely correct each time. I was happy with my above hypothesis and would not have made this comment except that I then read your next comment which said that you're "permantly stuck in that form for a long period of time" which made me reconsider, because "a long period of time" and "a while" are synonymous. Then I noticed you had left an "en" out of your second permanently which suggested there was actually no semantic slip-up at all and that you were actually coining a new verb, with the mistake being that your first permanently had an erroneous "en" included in it. This theory is totally satisfying to me now, as all aspects of the puzzle have been solved and I can continue with my business. If I am right, please acknowledge, however if I am wrong please don't comment as the ensuing, or "suing" to coin a new verb of my own by borrowing your methods, confusion would only disturb me

An old Italian saying comes to mind in light of all of this rhetoric about werejohncandies and the like. Ba fangoul ma pian coul. Or even better an old Russian saying - Ya bit toyup tuk, tvarish. I learned these phrases because my paternal grandparents came from Italy and my maternal grandparents came from the Ukraine region of Russia and the Czech/Hungarian area of eastern Europe. Why do I tell you this Dr. Music? It is because the draculas come from south eastern Europe but the "were-weres" actually originated in eastern Europe right around where my maternal grandparents immigrated from. "Were-weres" were denied entry to the US at Ellis Island and those who chose to immigrate to the new world did so by immigrating to Canada. So as Paul Harvey used to say, "now you know the rest of the story, Gud-day"!

Wow, Guy that was really informative. And btw, what I meant by stuck in werejohncandy form a long period of time, I meant I get stuck in that form of 5-8 hours.

Dr. Music - That was not me that questioned what you meant by "permanent". I have not clue one who wrote that, but it is amusing to read.

And just when you thought you knew all there was to know about "were-weres"... =;-)

I know, that was puzzled reader I directed that answer to. I'm a big fan of vampires and lycanthropy. Ever notice that in some vampire movies like Fright Night the vampire sprouts a whole mouth full of fangs while in others, it's only the canine teeth that become fangs? That's kind of strange in my opinion. I love those vampire movies of the 80's especially Once Bitten (starring a young Jim Carrey). And the reason I love those kind of vampire movies as well as those lycanthrope ones is because of the transformations done via incredible special effects. And about the werejohncandy, the thing is that unlike most werejohncandys i'm actually quite difficult to anger, it takes more than a fat joke to make me go all John Candy. There are several things that "grind my gears" and I listed them in one the comments I made yesterday. It takes more than 10 tries to get me to transform.

Dr. Music - I have great - great news. I most recently received an official commuinque from the Vatican on this parody. His Holy See says that this parody has exorcism qualities and if a werejohncandy is stuck in the werejohncandy form all it takes is one priest and two alter boys to sing this parody through 15 times in the presence of the werejohncandy and it will over ride the werejohncandy phenomenon instantly.

My presence was requested for an official audience with the Holy Cardinal - Cardinal Mortalo Syn a senior ecclesiastical official and personal emissary to the Holy See himself. Cardinal Syn expressed great enthusiasm in the powers that these lyrics possess. Also Cardinal Syn is considered the top ranking expert on the stigmata phenomenon. He candidly related to me that there is a study now because of this parody to establish an 8th sacrament. He also stated that this parody with its spiritual healing properties may be the greatest accomplishment since the Inquisition. Needless to say I am quite excited about this. He also asked me if I wanted him to hear my confession. I respectfully declined the offer. In retrospect I fear that I may have offended him by declining his offer. But nonetheless this parody has been declared a bonified suit of spiritual armor when dealing with "were-weres".

If you are interested in being a subject for their study you can contact the Vatican and submit your candidacy for participation in this most important study.

Thanks but no thanks guy. I'm not for sale. And i'm not willing to be anyone's test subject. However my reclusive brother who is a vampire would be more than happy to be a part of the experiment. As for me, I don't wish to have the werejohncandy curse removed from me at all, I looooove it. Being a werejohncandy is the best thing that ever happened to me. I can easily switch between my normal form and werejohncandy form whenever I want to. Tell the Vatican guys that i'm not interested in being their "guinea pig". I'm not into all that spiritual religious mambo jumbo.

He likes being a werejohncandy Guy, and who can blaim him? It's pretty rewarding being one. I think it's awesome being one, because I'm also one. You see the bulk on a werejohncandy's body isn't just fat- some of it is also pure concentrated "Awesome" which is a sort of a magical mystical substance that makes them really powerful in combat. The werejohncandy's natural form is needed to contain it because in it's human form it is unable to do so. And as such it is required that a werejohncandy transform in order to harness said amount of awesome power. With such an incredible amount of "awesome" in them- the werejohncandy gets even better superpowers than the ones it started out with.

Hi Guy! A fun write! The ruler and girl's room door lines did not escape me heh heh!

Umm Guy, the offer sounds interesting but no thanks. I'm happy being the werejohncandy. I don't wish to be cured or anything. And another note, I don't like to be used as a test subject for experiments neither do I like doing experiments on myself. Trust me, me and science experiments don't go together. I learned that from the time I bought that telepod machine and tried to recreate the experiment that Jeff Goldblum did in The Fly, it worked but something went horribly wrong like in the film.

Pip - I thought the girl's room and ruler refs would bring back fond memories for you. So glad to have been able to facilitate in enabling you to reminisce. =;-)

Dr. Music - Oh now I understand - somehow the fly transformer created your "team" of parody writers, such as your brother and the rest - sort of like some of the many transporter accidents in just about every Star Trek series, Seems that each series has transporter anomaly themed episodes. Does this also account for inconsistencies in things you write in comments? For example - when you state above that you can transform yourself at will between "normal" and "were-were" when you have previousily stated that you stay in "werejohncandy" mode permanently for a long time? Do you write differently in different forms? I suggest you make great haste to get thee to a nunnery at or near the Vatican. The nuns with "the holy ruler" and the "Mojo guilters" can prep you for what will come. Denial is NOT a river in Egypt. Get help, if not for you, think of all the other people who desperately want to lose the "were-were" personna. Think of your "were-were" brothers and sisters. What are you thinking? Reach out and help your fellow "were-weres" and the Church is the best last hope for the many who are afflicted. Oh and did I mention that they pay a tidy sum for participants? It is the RC churches way - money solves everything.

I'm sorry but I don't go for anything spiritual or religious. And for The Fly style lab accident- it actually created something else-It created BrundleFly III.

Those guys at the Vatican are a bunch of crackpots. I wouldn't trust them. I'm a ghostbuster after all. Let Doc decide. But i'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to be apart of some bizzare Vactican ritual or something. The werejohncandy is an endangered species much like the giant panda. They should be protected. Doc is pretty much happy being a werejohncandy and I don't think that he wants to be ascioated with nuns or anything like that. Trust me, nuns can't be trusted. As for being able to transform into werejohncandy form at will- Doc has an ability known as Voluntary Shapeshifting. The reason he speaks for his brother is because his brother is a vampire and quite reclusive. His brother is rarely seen during the day.

Sorry Guy, but there's no way i'm ever going to get over to a nunnery. I JUST DON'T trust nuns and the like. They're all apart of a secret cult, and I hate cults. Sorry but no deal. I don't wish to help my so called "brotherin" and "sisterin". I'm happy just the way I am- I like being a werejohncandy and that's how it shall stay. And besides...The only people I'll ever need to call when i'm faced with a problem like that are the Ghosbusters and maybe some professional monster hunters like Buffy or Van Helsing. Tell those nutjobs at the Vatican that I am NOT interested in being part of their study- I am NOT for sale and I am NOBODY's test subject.

(SOTM) You were one of the first parody writers I read on this site and your standard of rhyme is still strong as ever. Though it seriously took me halfway through your first chorus before I slapped my palm to my head finally realising what your theme was haha

Nun-thing like it I always say!

Masterful use of original. I didn't understand how well you used sound-alikes on my first read-through. I also forgot to comment. And I normally don't like parodies that deal with this subject. Dammit, people ARE bringing their 'A' games to SOTM still...

(SOTM) Good job. I echo the comments above except Dr Music's comments.

SOTM - Okay, this one automatically ascends into my Top 5 based on the hilarious internal rhyme match-ups and silly subject matter. Well done as usual!

Wish I'd have thought of this when I hung the edict on the Church's front door. I'd have really cleaned those nasty old See's clocks.

This parody is second to nun on this subject...

Great

It took a moment for me to recognize the accent and the actual topic. From the accompanying picture on your original entry, I was expecting more of a Monty Python-esque approach (though I can't recall which film that partricluar priest is from; I don't believe it was a Monty Python film). Clever stuff!

Gianni - That pic on the entry thread is from the 1987 movie "The Princess Bride". The following is from IMDb that provides info on the movie

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093779/

The impressive clergyman is actor Peter Cook. It was from the wedding scene in the movie where Cook says the well known words "Mawwage, mawwage is what bwings us togewer today...". Here is a Wiki feature on the actor, Peter Cook

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Cook

Thanks for your comment.

(SOTM) Religious parodies are not my forte, as almost all of them are quite negative. But I have learned to live with other people's opinions and to respect them. That being said, this parody was pretty funny, and the Jamaican accent, while required by law for this OS, was flawless. 555 for you.

(SOTM) Creative word play on TOS, bobpiecheese--you captured my opinion very well on Religious parodies.

dis one make me chuckle deep in da belly...
Great job here Guy, both with the excellent rhyming and the subject matter.
Like you, I started off Catholic and I'm always up for a parody like this.

Guy: good pacing and rhyming. I was puzzled by your footnote. Does that mean THE Catholic Church was founded in the Netherlands, or just an off-shoot of it? The one I belong to started in Bethlehem 2,000 years ago.

He means the Sisters Beguine, which was a sisterhood founded in the 13th century. But even then, Catholicism did not start ~2000 years ago. Christianity did, but the term Catholic came about a few hundred years later.

Bless you, FatherMcKludge, for elaborating on Roamin' Catholicism, Sir !

A fun re-visit

awesome as always, brother.. unda da "c" for correctness as always

Somewhere amongst all the DM rambling here was a really good under the sea parody. Well done , Guy, loved the accent you kept going throughout. 555

ABC05UV - Dis gat yu favs... LOL, Guy!!!

ABC(5)_U/V Great job in all respects - Title switch, theme, pacing, humor, rhyming, accent!!!...555!!!

(ABC5) See above.

(ABC) excellent, Guy - one of your very best (out of how many thousand?) - this goes thru to the ABC semis without dropping a set - oh, and just between you and me, I am the commenter who you didn't have a clue to (hee hee)

This one scored high marks in SOTM as I remember thus it will most likely do as well in ABC too.

(ABC) It's unfortunate to still see the mark of Dr. Music here. Still Guy is on top o the world.

(ABC) Oh, man...the "kids" from my old neighborhood have been sharing their horrors stories online about nuns...I gotta send them this! 555 (which is 111 steps below 666!).

See above Sir Guy

"See above" actually means something on this parody! A pleasure to revisit this one again, Guy.

Cat Lickin' good, as always, SirGuy!

Jocularity! Jocularity! But in all seriousness say 5 "Hail Mary's" and five "Our Father's" lest the almighty smite you down with a bolt of lightning for being blasphemous. I shall pray for your soul my son.