Well no, he's not four
But he still likes pokemon
And if you haven't guessed correctly
He just turned 9
But while trading Pikachu
He leans and gets a better view
At the inside of the fridge door and its glowing light
In the Frigidaire, seeing plates, on the shelf, with buttered yams
Bean casserole
But then he spots Sam Adams
In the door, he's going at 'em
Why? Alcohol

"I found beer"
He thinks that he's so great
"I found beer"
Can't steer his bike straight

He runs up to his bedroom with a sixpack in his hands
But no, this thing he cannot hide under his mattress
He falls onto his bed because his balance is too bad
Good thing he doesn't tightrope walk in a circus

He brings the pets inside the house, shaves the dog bald
'Cause no one said he couldn't work at Regis
He knows he's more than just under the influence
But we know he won't act normal when he says this:

"I found beer"
Budweiser's just a name
"I found beer"
He'll never be the same
In stores he cannot buy it
But he steals his dad's Labatts
He sounds weird
When he sings "Superman"

Oh, silly children better run from mommy
She'll beat you with a spatula 'til you scream
All you little drunks better not drink more Molson
Until you're of age

Ma says "I'll spank you 'til you're dead"
Ma says "shh, shut up, you may not shave our pets"

The beer's in the door in the Frigidaire
As the kid gives his mom an empty stare
That stuff's strong, and Junior here's still stumbling

Hey, at least he doesn't kill things
He says he's honest and loving
But when you're grounded for life
Those types of things mean nothing

He found beer
But now he used his mind
He found beer, but now, he lives no life of crime
He found beer, but he's given it up lately
Instead, he drinks KoolAid
He now steers his bike very very very very straight
Now, he's not good for nothing
Without beer
Oh no he won't be stumbling
Oh no, he won't be stumbling
Oh no way, he won't be stumbling while on beer

No longer bad for his ma
Without beer
Oh no, he won't be bad for his ma
Without beer
He won't be stumbling, stumbling
Without beer