As I hike through the valley of the mountains of green
I take a look at my troop and realize they're looking green
But that's no problem for the Eagle like me
We've got first aid training and authority

But I have never ruined Scouts' grub even when they deserved that
Scouts ruining good food, you know it's unheard of
We like to cook scrambled eggs with warm lasagna
Though food poisoning makes so many Tenderfeet hawk

Around 4:30 we're getting up
And with energy drink mix we fill our own cup, fool
I'm the kinda Eagle that New Scouts wanna be like
On my knees in the night, saying prayers in the Coleman light

We've been spending most our lives
Chilling in a Boy Scout's paradise
We bake random goop with rice
Living in a Boy Scout's paradise
We have prayers every night
Living in a Boy Scout's paradise
Though we read 'books' full of vice
Living in a Boy Scout's paradise

One rival troop shot us with their arrows last week
We couldn't fire back, we just all turned our other cheek
But we don't need to hate 'em
There's no need to be mean because while they were out snoring we tied their tents up high in trees.

I'm a educated Christian with rest stops on my mind
Got the Bible in my hand and a fly in my eye
I'm a banged-out leader, set Scouts on cook chores
And the bullies are around, so don't arouse my sweat pores, fool
The campsite isn't anywhere but twelve miles away
I'm walking out quick or die, what can I say?

I'm 17 now but will I be Eagle at 18?
The way things is going remains to be seen
Tell me why is the S.P.L. so blind to see
That the Scouts they worked are you and me?

We're just spending most our lives
Sitting in a Boy Scout's paradise
We shoot rifle rounds toward mice
Living in a Boy Scout's paradise
We sleep in the dark with camping light
Living in a Boy Scout's paradise
We hang bear bags once or twice
Living in a Boy Scout's paradise

Campouts and requirements, requirements and campouts
Midnight after midnight, shower after shower
Everyone is hungry, while the Star guys are baking
It's going on in the grub tent, but goodness knows what is making
Brown patched Scouts gotta learn, so they can reach the rank that some got
If they can't understand it, how can they advance to the top?
The rap that's entering troops surely makes certain the Scouts won't
I guess they lost, that's why I know the troop is out of luck, fool!

We've spending most our lives
Helping in a Boy Scout's paradise
We play silly games with spice
Living in a Boy Scout's paradise
We have been infected thrice
Living in a Boy Scout's paradise
We do charities when nice
Living in a Boy Scout's paradise

Tell me why is the S.P.L. so blind to see
That the Scouts they hurt are you and me?
Tell me why is the Leadership so blind to see
That the Scouts they hurt are you and me?