**Social worker wonders aloud** What are these Nurs’ry rhymes really all about?

As I walk into Nurs’ry-Land I don’t miss a trick
I check the words of their rhymes and realise they’re pretty sick
Guess I’ve been doing this job for so long
That I never realised they’re all kinds of wrong.
‘Cause you should never cut the tails off blinded mouses
How are they supposed to know that they’re in your houses?
And have you considered maybe, that little baby
Should not have his crib up in a freakin’ tree?
We really need to talk about Jack and Jill
‘Cause you can’t keep sending them up that great big hill - fool!
They keep falling down, you wrap their heads in paper – crazy!
It’s neglect, can’t you see, goes against Health and Safety

No virtue it’s all vice, in a Nurs’ry Rhymers’ Paradise
Aint cute and it’s not nice, in a Nurs’ry Rhymers’ Paradise
Bad parents, cold as ice, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise
Don’t care, won’t take advice, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise

And let that poor Jack Horner out of the corner
Get him out in the fresh air, let him play in the street
Needs his five a day, cut down the pies please
Too much pastry’s gonna make the kid end up obese.
You got far too many kids, you’re living in a shoe
But you can’t hit them ‘cause ‘you don’t know what to do’
Polly’s one smart daughter, but shouldn’t oughta
Make the tea with Suki and play with boiling water – fool!
Can’t beat knaves for stealing tarts, King and Queen
Employees got certain rights, y'know what I mean?
And Humpty’s fine now, but he’ll be cracking up later on
That egg’s had his soldiers when he falls

Tell me why do we, sing happily
All these songs with words so un – PC?

No room for compromise, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise
Most grown-ups aint that wise, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise
Live there you’ll pay the price, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise
It’s like Miami Vice, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise

Bells are okay Mary, shells are regulation
But the pretty maidens? That’s just exploitation
Poor Wee Willie Winkie, I think I can confirm he
Stay out late when it’s freezing, he might get hypothermia
That Little Tommy Flynn is a bad’un do his folks know
If he keeps drowning cats then he’ll get an asbo*
I guess they don’t, I guess they won’t
In Nurs’ry-Land, the skills of all the parents seem to suck – fools!

Life aint no Edelweiss, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise
Scare all the kids with lies, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise
Don’t care if someone dies, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise
That makes it rhyme real nice, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise

Tell me why do we, sing happily
All these songs with words so un – PC?
Seems these guys, to me, aren’t kind you see
‘Cause these songs we’ve heard are lunacy