As I walk through the church, where I don’t go through vain.
I take a look at my life and realize everything hasn’t gone insane.
But that’s just perfect for a deacon like me.
You know, I shun stupid things like homosexuality.
At 7:30 in the morning I wake up.
But I bet you think that’s really messed up.
And I’ve been going and passing so long.
That even Satan can even wear a thong.
I’m a man of this ward. I’m not to discipline.
I have The Bible in my hand and a smile above my chin.
If you finish passing, and I’m really done.
You know you won’t worry, tomorrow we can have fun.

I’ve been waiting most my life.
To live in a deacon’s paradise.
I stay at home once or twice.
Living in a deacon’s paradise.
It can be hard and sacrifice.
Living in a deacon’s paradise.
Go to scouts, that’s my advice.
Living in a deacon’s paradise.

A five year old boy kicked me in the butt last week.
I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek.
I really don’t care, in fact I wish him well.
I just hope he does better, so he won’t go to hell.
But I ain’t ever punched a person even if he deserved it.
A deacon that’s nude? You know that’s unheard-of.
But I always wear a tie, and don’t get in cool fights.
And my mom believes I really look good in white.
If you come to church, you’ll be coming for years.
And sometimes you’ll go home in tears.
We ain’t really fast so don’t point and stare.
We’re just always prepared.

There’s no porn, no fights, no superstar.
We all have maturity.
We are Mormons.
It’s as easy as can be.


I’ve been waiting most my life.
To live in a deacon’s paradise.
We won’t give you pain we’re ordinary guys.
Living in a deacon’s paradise.
There’s no time for sin and not being nice.
Living in a deacon’s paradise.
We don’t fight we all play nice.
Living in a deacon’s paradise.

Wake up bright and early, tie-in’ my shoes.
Go back to school on Monday, even if you’re a Jew.
Think you’re really righteous? Think you’re pure in heart.
Well, I know you are humble as thou art!
I’m the pious guy the little kids wanna be like!
On my knees day and night praying for the afterlife.
We’re not all that bad. And we’re barely ever sad.
Even if you are a dad.

I’ve been waiting most my life.
To live in a deacon’s paradise.
We’re all Mormonites.
Living in a deacon’s paradise.
There are no mobs or cruel fights.
Living in a deacon’s paradise.
But you’d probably think it bites.
Living in a deacon’s paradise.

Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh YEAH!