As I walk through the doorway of a Chuck E. Cheese
I take a look at the buffet and I realize it's all free
My stomach starts grumblin' so I grab me a plate
Even my momma's older than the 'spiration date

But I ain't never bitten food and not eaten it all
So when I first took a nibble I knew I had to stall
The kiddies watch how I eat it and am defeated
As a wince and a groan's how my body's treated

I really hate to whine but I made a racket
If I pop a tire I could use this cheese to patch it
The crust could be used as a blunt weapon
And the anchovies got up and started steppin'

Been spendin' most the night
Chewin' on a bourgeois pizza slice
Been spendin' most the night
Chewin' on a bourgeois pizza slice

Can't hide the taste with sprite
As I chew a bourgeois pizza slice
Can't hide the taste with sprite
As I chew a bourgeois pizza slice

Look at all the games that I could be playin'
I can't play some Skee Ball, the smell would appall
So I have to keep chewin' this stale pie
Hopin' that I don't swallow, suffocate and die

I'm wavin' money 'round to lure some stupid dope
"Want a slice?" I ask, everyone says "Nope."
I even ask little Mexican hermanos
No language barrier - all they say is no

So I'm gnawin' on this Italian horror
Feel like Cap'n Kirk - I'm a bad taste explorer
It's 8:30 now, but will I live to see the next day?
With my one free hand I hope and pray

Tell me why would they - have a free buffet
And the food it serves - has no preserves

Been spendin' most the night
Chewin' on a bourgeois pizza slice
Give children quite a fright
Chewin' on this bourgeois pizza slice

We know I'm not too bright
Chewin' on a bourgeois pizza slice
Preachers read my last rites
As I chew this bourgeois pizza slice

Peppers and the olives, olives and the peppers
Shunned by trailer trash, shunned by the lepers
Everybody's runnin' whenever I get close
I breathe on French women and they think I'm gross

But finally the last piece, I swallow it with joy
But by now the place's empty of girl and boy
I guess they're scared - I would be too
But no line for Skee Ball and my aim is true

I been spendin' most the night
Chewin' on a bourgeois pizza slice
Won't accept more party invites
'Cause I chewed a bourgeois pizza slice
Some fool will find his blight
Chewin' on a bourgeois pizza slice
But I know I won the fight
Chewin' up that bourgeois pizza slice

Tell me will I cease - grabbin' nasty piece
Of revolting grub - and eat a sub
I know I'm obese - 'cause I drink grease
I'll stop gettin' fed - and be like Jared