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Song Parodies -> "Scott Ritter Thinks He's Sexy"

Original Song Title:

"My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy"

Original Performer:

Cledus T. Judd

Parody Song Title:

"Scott Ritter Thinks He's Sexy"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Considering all the bad jokes we've been hearing about Michael Jackson for weeks, Scott Ritter's recent attempt to get himself some attention at Air America was either very poorly timed or very conveniently timed, depending on your political point of view.
[Sounds of a girl moaning suggestively]
(Chris Rock: "Long Dong Silver!")

Well, in the chat room, thought he'd have a little fun
Solicited a girl though he was forty-one.
See, he thought she was sixteen, said he'd meet her at Burger King.
(Scott Ritter: "Do you like my Burger King pants?")*

Now, at the Burger King, he indulged his whim,
But the cops all showed up; and they arrested him.
Now who cares what he thinks of WMDs?
[Police sirens]

Scott Ritter thinks he's sexy!
Thinks he can turn 'em on:
He'd like a girl to watch him
As he sits on the throne.

He'd like a girl who's underage to watch him use his hands;
Why can't he use a picture? No one understands.
I'll bet he wishes he could get Jackson's lawyers for his proxies...
[Michael Jackson: "Beat it! Beat it!"]

Scott Ritter thinks he's sexy.

Who knows what he did to indulge his lust?
There's no one else that he can blame for the bust.
Really, for what he does, he needs no one else at all!
[Chopsticks piano riff]

Did he ever try this scheme, and then get away with it?
Was he hoping he'd get to see an underaged tit?
Do his critics recall? He'd better hope they don't...!
(Scott Ritter: "Leave me alone!")

Scott Ritter thinks he's sexy!
Can't leave his mike alone.
He's on the air brazenly;
He's rubbing his funny bone.

Someone should to break it to him: should've kept it in his pants.
What part of "owned!" don't this fool understand?
He's in big trouble if he can't keep his profile low-key.

Scott Ritter thinks he's sexy.

Well, that Scott Ritter guy is one sick pup;
Sees "Osama" the girl, and his eyes light up!**
[Wolf whistle]

Scott Ritter thinks he's-- (Ooh!)
Scott Ritter thinks he's sexy!
Thinks he can turn 'em on.
Don't put him on with Randi:***
That ain't nowhere he belongs.

Al Franken's in trouble, buddy;
That much is for sure,
If Scott's the best pundit that these dopes can lure.
They'd call for Bill Clinton, but he's been messing with some girly...****

Scott Ritter thinks he's sexy.
(Scott Ritter thinks he's sexy! Oh...!)
[More police sirens.]
(Scott Ritter: "They had me from hello-o-o...")
(Police: "Whassup!!!")
*In case you haven't heard this old joke, the punchline is "They're the home of the Big Whopper!"**That's "Osama" as in the girl dressed up as a boy in a movie about life under the Taliban in Afghanistan.***Actually Randi Rhodes would be in more danger from Bill Clinton with that Lewinsky figure of hers.****Yep, seems someone caught him kissing with an attractive Kerry supporter. Some people never change.Did Scott Ritter have any reason to think he was that sexy (in that Humbert Humbert kind of way)? Judge for yourself: I do notice in this old image of him that he still has his hair.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.9
How Funny: 3.9
Overall Rating: 3.9

Total Votes: 9

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 2   1
 3   1
 4   1
 5   5

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