Yes, I gotta go take my pills
Takin Centrum
Metamucil
Geritol, too
Then shuffle to the left, shuffle to the right
In the bathroom, gotta pee all night
One time
Feel good yea ya'll
All old folks in the place, y’all
Make us feel real tired, y’all
Old folks gonna go take a nap, y’all

Senile! For all the people with no hair
Cough like I got a lung tank fillin with air
Out of the sun, no longer run, smackin my gums
Floss a little, then brush up on my dentures for fun
Blowin my horn, been drivin’ since before you were born
Never liked the whippersnappers! Hey! Stay off my lawn!!
I forget…my memory’s not so accurate
Have to get…to go or something…I forget
Righto! Righto! And now I know! Get up and go
Shufflin slow, with pretty women sayin hello
And the girls are smelling good, wearing Oil-of-Olay
Like to watch they’re little bottoms as they’re walking away
Didn’t mean to feel you up
My hands are shaky, OK?
’Sides, I don’t have my Viagra. Tucked it away
Shamed of us, the women give no game to us
It angers us
That's why we feel cantankerous
Come on

Chorus:
This is dangerous
We think young folks are strange to us
Go ahead and keep it frank with us
Cause age has made us cantankerous
Cantankerous, we’re cantankerous
Old folks are cantankerous
Cantankerous, we’re cantankerous
The people over eighty? Cantankerous!

Watch the clock
We’re seeing every tick and tock
Watching Matlock
To cancel that would be a shock
Stayin alive, you how all the oldies survive?
Care for your feet, cut out red meat, that’s how you thrive
Lunchtime for all of my people ploddin around
Drinkin it down
We got Ensure, pass it around
Slurpin it up
A good drink, burping it up
Chirping it up
My heart rate, working it up
Back in the days I went to fight in the world war
Now I can’t remember why I’m walking over here for
Take a seat, and try to probe my memory more
Find what I need,
And shuffle-shuffle right out the door
”Bumping a tear, me and the parrots drinkin’ a beer’
Not hearin you; you know I’m losing strength in my ears
Fades on us, we can’t hear what you say to us
It angers us, that’s why we’re so cantankerous
Come on

Chorus
It’s Su-perfluous
Young folks speak funny words to us
Go ahead and keep it frank with us
Cause age has made us cantankerous
Cantankerous, we’re cantankerous
Old folks are cantankerous
Cantankerous, we’re cantankerous
The people over eighty? Cantankerous!

Calm down, y’all
BPs way to high ya'll
Yea, sit down ya'll
Hate to see you fall ya'll
Geritol, Centrum ya'll
Metamucil shakes, ya'll
Yup, sit down, y’all
Go call the nurse, y’all

No more to eat, off of my feet, lay on the sheet
Someone call the nurse, something’s wrong with my heartbeat
Sound the alarm, all of the nurses around me
Found my bottles of liquor, and now they all frown me
I took a cup, and turned it up, swallowed it up
Now I’m shouting that I’ve fallen and I cannot get up!!
Lame to us, ‘cause drinkin’ ain't no game to us
It’s fame for us, that’s why we’re so cantankerous
Come on

Chorus
This is serious
Drinking’s de-le-terious
Go ahead and keep it frank with us
Cause age has made us cantankerous
Cantankerous, we’re cantankerous
Old folks are cantankerous
Cantankerous, we’re cantankerous
The people over eighty? Cantankerous!